Nadav's practice notes

This weekend, meditated (noting aloud) for an hour in the morning and 45 minutes or an hour at night. Today, 20 minutes in the morning, 45 in the afternoon and 20 minutes with a kasina at night.
Since yesterday I have been very impatient and bored in sits. Noting has slowed back down a bit and there's more of a delay in noticing the rapid onslaught of thoughts. Feeling complacent and resistance to noting.

Despite all of this, I'm determined to continue with the increased sitting time. Let's see if Kenneth is right about how simple this is when you actually do it.

1 hour just now. Medium to very unpleasant with lots of aversion.
Mind very scattered, never really settling on one thing.
In no particular order: nausea, pain (lots), aching, tension, hearing, irritation, frustration, self-pity, self-loathing, rehearsing thought, planning thought, pressure, spacing out, hunger, restlessness, impatience, anxiety, anger, coolness, desire to get up, tightness, judgmental thought.

Hi nadavspi, great noting, just remember its not important whether what your noting is positive,negative or indifferent. Whats important is
that you just note it and let it be, then note what ever comes up next. Metta Steve.

Continued to sit twice a day this week. Some days the sits were shorter. Spacing out a lot, difficulty noticing thoughts as they arise.

Just meditated for one hour. Distracted, cloudy as I started walking. Body felt light and pleasant. Calmness. Caught by thoughts about last night, self-judging thoughts here and there.
A wave of cool tingling all over the body as I sat down. Bliss, happiness, smiling, gratitude.
From here, a constant stream of thoughts: narrating my experience, judging myself for not noticing thoughts, rehearsing this post, recollections of past meetings with Kenneth, planning thoughts, images and so on.
Sometimes I would still be noting other things when I caught on, and sometimes I'd just space out completely and stop noting for a few seconds.
Pretty restless (swaying) during this, though still content to sit - not much judgment/aversion/impatience.

This continued for a while, maybe 15 minutes, until I connected the dots. I said out loud "I wonder what my next thought will be" and stopped noting. Instantly, deep stillness and the body became more dynamic - some tingling traveling in my back, tension in the shoulders.
The thoughts kept coming and I continued to ask after each one (silently now) "I wonder what my next thought will be" while keeping an eye on what was going on in the body. I was seeing the thoughts much more clearly now as well as the body. I never needed to wonder for very long as the next thought always appeared after asking the question.

Is this what Kenneth was talking about? I wonder what my next thought will be.
Am I prompting more thoughts? Am I searching for them? I wonder what my next thought will be.
I really need to study for that exam. I wonder what my next thought will be.

[cont.]

I was sitting very still and started to feel very pleasant and somewhat absorbed. Occasionally I'd pick up on a sound, kind of like the high pitch frequency of a shoddy speaker, right outside of my ears. I switched back to noting a couple of times but quickly returned to focusing on thoughts.

Just meditated for 70 minutes. (Didn't have time to sit this morning)
Pretty calm throughout the whole sit. Bright itches started very quickly once I started walking. Sudden moment of happiness, lightness, then an unpleasant shift in the body feel. Mapping thought, doubt, anxiety, fear, tension-unpleasant-aversion and so on. An elaborate fantasy about cutting off my pinky (I cut it a bit while chopping onions a few days ago) and how I would store it on the way to the hospital, etc. 'Woke up' and laughed. Walked some more then sat down.
Continued to note randomly. Some itching here and there. A little restless. Maybe 15-20 minutes later I caught myself noting physical sensations and mind states while thinking. Switched to "I wonder what my next thought will be." Immediately very still. All the usual thoughts and lots of random images from memories and speculation about the future flashing by. Some very old stuff too.
I became very absorbed over the next few minutes and started getting some visuals akin to kasina practice. It feels more natural to sit with eyes open when I do this practice. Started to get sleepy, swaying a little bit. Extremely pleasant - content and happy even thought there was still unpleasant tension in the body. I smiled for a bit.
Absorption faded and I started to note again for a few minutes. Then I spotted some undetected thinking and switched back to asking "I wonder what my next though will be." A little bored and even managed to space out a little bit while focusing on thoughts. Continued and started getting absorbed again.
Timer went off at the end of the hour. Felt surprised and sat for about 10 more minutes.

Wow.

Sat with the Chan group tonight. They do two ~20 minute sits with a few minutes of yoga in the middle. I showed up early so my first sit was probably around 40 minutes. I had been experiencing head pressure and nausea since right after my earlier sit.
The nausea continued for a bit during the first sit. I noted for all of it. A couple of things that I forgot to mention in my previous 2 reports came up in this one too: vibrations in the head (in line with the forehead, a couple inches inward), desire for stream entry and projections of what it will be like.
Bright itching here and there. Absorbed, content, visuals (open eyes). A little sleepiness.
Lots of tension in the body and numbness in the legs. Calmness, gratitude.
Continued to note through the short yoga session and into the 2nd sitting period.
Eventually switched to asking "I wonder what my next though will be" while paying attention to the body as a whole. Thoughts arise, are seen and pass very rapidly. Felt very awake and clear, still with kasina-like visuals.
The sensation of the upper body became more diffuse. The hands felt huge, then the head and then both merged together... felt very vast, panoramic.
Noted as this was going on, eventually spacing out a bit and just enjoying the experience. Felt at peace and perfectly content.
I thought "I could like this forever". Of course, the gong rang shortly after and I continued sitting through the cool down period until I had to stop for the concluding talk/Q&A session.

Nice, Nadav!
Following your journaling!

I sat for another hour last night. Much like the previous sits but I went back down the arc pretty quickly.
I continued to note as I lay in bed and felt very miserable. Harsh vibrations in the chest, head pressure, nausea, frustration, anxiety and so on.
Woke up this morning with bad back pain. Felt vaguely sick (still nauseated) and spaced out for most of the day.
Sat for an hour in the morning. Didn't really get settled. Restless, lots of pain in the body (I decided to lie down for parts of the hour), grasping for the pleasant states of the past couple of days.
Felt a little bit better after a nap and just sat for 45 minutes.
Started off with anxiety, irritation, lots of tension in the body, sleepiness. Very restless - decided to try to sit still and this seemed to help the noting. Sudden moment of happiness and laughter while recalling something. Continued noting a lot of the same stuff but the attitude was much more equanimous.

Nadav,
I'd appreciate it if you could explain a thing or two about the "wonder what my next thought"focus.
Do you note the thoughts as they come up, as "imaging thought", etc?
If so, do you note aloud?
Or do you just notice, touch and let go?
Thanks.

Meekan,
It's like whack-a-mole for thoughts.
When I switch to "I wonder what my next thought will be" I stop noting and just watch the thoughts silently. They often arise so fast that trying to label them individually would trip me up. I usually repeat "I wonder what my next thought will be" silently after I catch something, otherwise it's easy to space out again.
I only go into this technique once I'm settled and realize that thoughts are getting by me - usually this means that I'm noting physical sensations or mind states while thinking, or just spacing out altogether.

When I first started using this technique (posts 170-178) it led to very pleasant concentrated states.
For a week or so after that, I did not use this technique and just continued noting out loud as usual. (It's very apparent if I try to switch to "I wonder what my next thought will be" prematurely - it doesn't get traction.)
I've used it again the past couple of days. The "wow factor" (thanks Nick) has lessened but I still get very calm and settled. I keep part of my awareness on the body as I do this and I find that with this too I'm noticing stuff very quickly, some of it quite subtle. But again, if I try to force this I don't get anything.

Anyway, that's been my experience with it. Hope that helps. You might want to ask Kenneth about it next time you talk - it was one of several suggestions he had for equanimity.

---

A quick practice update:
--Lots of forehead pressure/tension the past 4 or 5 days. Sometimes subtle vibrations, but usually just unpleasant tension. In sits and off-the-cushion.
--I've been noticing a high-pitched tinnitus-like sound pretty regularly in my sits, once I get settled.
--Still experiencing random surges of happiness. Sometimes also energetic surges with varying degrees of rapture/wow-ness. These often happen when I come back from a thought or briefly spacing out.

Thanks a lot!
Good description, I'll try it when I reach a point where it seems appropriate.

Past few days: generally spaced out, some anxiety, noting less accurate particularly with thoughts, frustration, boredom, restlessness, impatience.

I've been a little lazy lately, especially about noting throughout the day.
Experienced some negativity (anxiety, doubt, frustration) with the return to school at the beginning of the week. Did not sit as much during the week, mostly one sit of 30-60 minutes a day.
Very impatient, restless, bored. Yesterday I sat twice for one hour each.
In the second sit, bright itching for a while, maybe 10 minutes. Some very quick vibratory activity (almost missed it) immediately followed by a whole bunch of negativity. Doubt, self-judgment, self-loathing, fear, terrifying images, sadness (this was a strong one), desire for deliverance, tension and resistance in the body. Lasted for about 15 minutes. Then, felt lighter (I've noticed that in the dukkha nanas the body feels constricted with a downward pull), smiled, looked around. It felt as if I had just changed my attitude, like the suffering had been created by the mind and it had enough. Noted some itching here and there, some boredom, still a little impatient.

I forgot this when I wrote my last report: I had a "was that it?" moment during the first sit yesterday. I don't remember enough to describe it in detail. In the following sit (described above), the 3rd nana and especially the dukkha nanas were clearer, longer and more intense than I can recall in a while.
----
Just meditated for an hour. Walked for the first 20 minutes. Started out noting pressure, tension, hearing, imagining thought. Some tingling within the first couple of minutes. Tension in the shoulders became more unpleasant, but I smiled at it.

A very quick progression once I sat down: itching, pulsation, dullness, some frustration and anxiety. The negativity started to clear up a little bit and suddenly there was a very clear itch on my upper lip and dynamic activity all over the body. The transition was very sudden and surprising. All this within less than 5 minutes I'd guess.
Focused on the itch for a few minutes, then resolved to move on. Immediately, vibrations in the forehead followed by the high-pitched tinnitus-like sound.

Back to the bright itching. The body felt solid this time. The itching faded in and out but overall it felt like I was starting over, when I was working up the A&P: tension in the shoulders and back, wandering thoughts, impatience, etc. Continued like this for about 20 minutes.
Towards the very end I switched to the sensation of the breath at the nostrils. Very soon, intense vibrations in the forehead. Got a little absorbed and wound up in what felt like equanimity.

I'm getting visual strobing and subtle vibrations all over whenever I close my eyes. I sat for 30 minutes earlier and I did seem to get to A&P almost immediately. Also had some itching afterward, but I'm not sure if it was 3rd nana or dukkha nanas. Eventually wound up in equanimity.
I tried jhana jumping a couple of times based on the instructions Kenneth posted on Ron's 1st journal. I haven't paid much attention to jhanas until this point, but I think something is happening. I definitely felt the transition from 1st to 3rd (gross tingling on the skin while focusing on the nose transformed to coolness, with a widening of focus) and the 'shaking' when jumping from 4th (I'm not sure if I actually know 4th jhana) to 1st.

Sounds promising!
Hoping for you!

Sounds like a congratulations may be in order!
Good Job!!

45 minutes. As usual, sat down to count 3x10 breaths. Immediately, vibrations in the forehead and strobing in the visual field. I was pretty excited and had to restart the counting a couple of times. While counting, the vibrations spread to the chest and I noticed a full-body pulse at a little over 1 Hz. Became a little absorbed and the visual field (especially the periphery) darkened and danced around.
I started noting and got up to walk for a few minutes. There was a new clarity and effortlessness: even when the mind wandered, some attention remained with the body. There seemed to be less mental noise over all, and no urgency. The vibrations in the head continued for a bit. Calmness, happiness.
I sat down and felt quite content. With the eyes open, even my vision seemed unusually clear. Continued noting leisurely: calmness, amusement, tension-unpleasant, rehearsing thought, visual image, coolness-pleasant, pressure-neutral, etc. Equanimity seems like an apt description.
Felt a little bored. Watched thoughts with "I wonder what my next thought will be" for a few minutes.
Towards the end, noted pressure in the forehead and then the vibrations and pulsing started again. I watched the strobing for a few minutes (using the wheel/eye posture), paying attention to the ends of 'phrases'. This felt nice.
Opened my eyes and noted for the last few minutes.

Very interesting, Nadav. Keep us posted.

The vibrations and pressure in the head continued as I tried to go to sleep last night. Got pretty irritating after a while.

Just meditated for 1 hour. Didn't notice any clear stages - just general OK-ness that deepened with time.
As I sat down to count the breaths, pressure in the forehead and some vibrations (though not as pronounced as yesterday). Walked for ~15 minutes. Noted tension in the body, pressure (with footsteps), coolness, planning thoughts, remembering thoughts, disappointment, desire for "fireworks", doubt.

Sat down. Boredom, impatience, rehearsing thoughts (about writing this report), back tension, forehead pressure, desire to get up. Maybe halfway through I started hearing the high-pitched noise (noted "hearing" and stayed with it for a bit). More boredom, a little restlessness and swaying. Contentment, fewer thoughts and expectations about progress, etc. Noticed the coolness of the breath for a bit and started to feel more pleasant. Stillness, calmness. Picked up that high-pitched noise again.

Off the cushion: I'm perfectly content and happy to just sit around/lie down by myself, but impatient and irritable in social situations. No great pull to formal practice, I'd rather just chill out and maybe note or just gently stay with the body.

Just sat for 20 minutes (taking a break from writing a paper). Overall, a very pleasant sit. No warm up walking, just sat down to count the breaths and then started noting. Immediately, fluttering of the eyes and strobing (happens if I close my eyes now, too).
Noticed an itch but it disappeared after ~30 seconds. Very still, calm. A few itches but not very unpleasant or tenable. Pinpricks all over one arm for a few seconds (neutral). Coolness-pleasant. Some tension in the shoulders, but not very unpleasant or bothersome.
Except for the one itch later, nothing very unpleasant or painful in this sit.
Pressure in the forehead. Absorption and stillness were building gradually - felt like a crescendo towards something.
Stayed with itching for a bit. Some visual 'tingling' - small movements and colorations (eyes open).
Tingling all over the body and very subtle vibrations. A sudden surge of energy on the inhale (surprise, and a little anxiety), released on the exhale (staggered in very quick bursts: out-pause-out-pause-out-pause) with chills/tingling going down the body (very pleasant).
Immediately afterwards (maybe concurrently): the most unpleasant itch of the sit (first one I wanted to scratch). I think it became brighter with attention and then dropped away after less than a minute.
The absorption faded and I moved for the first time in the sit; stretched, looked around for a few seconds.
A little bit of boredom, disappointment. Timer went off within a minute or two.

*EDIT* Forgot to mention... the high-pitched sound appeared right at the beginning and became more pronounced when noticed. Came back a couple of times later on in the sit.

Keep it up, Nadav! Thanks for the awesome reports. BTW, interesting that you mention nausea. I sat for several hours yesterday and have been feeling a strange kind of dizziness/nausea today. Not sure whether it's related to all the sitting or just the insomnia I've had over the past couple of nights.

I noted as I went to bed last night. Very intense vibrations all over the body and psychedelic visuals. Pretty irritating after a while because I wanted to get to sleep! Similar thing when I took a nap today.
Still feeling very good off-the-cushion.

Just meditated for 50 minutes. First sit of the day. Some pulses while counting the breaths. Walked for a few minutes. No real defining characteristics, just noting randomly. Pretty pleasant, a little boring. In these past couple of days I've been walking slower than I usually do.
Blissful wave as soon as I sat down. Rising energy, tingling, coolness. Little vibrations here and there. After a couple of minutes, a bright itch. It stayed for a long time... maybe 10 minutes. Became more absorbed while I was focusing on the itch: more vibrations, some pulses. A couple of energetic releases that triggered a jerk - one quickly shooting up and jerking my head sideways, another causing an arm spasm.
Felt a block of energy (tingling) rise up the spine slowly. At some point (hard to keep track of all of this), harsh constricting vibrations all over the body, somewhat unpleasant. The itch expanded some, and there was tingling around it. Forehead pressure and pulses - felt like energy was building (what I called a "crescendo" yesterday).
Absorption decreased. Restlessness, boredom. The itch was definitely still there but very faint - couldn't really stay with it anymore. Increasing impatience, desire to get up.