Nadav's practice notes

Motivation to practice is still very low. Past few days have been a little different... don't think I'm starting my sits at A&P. I just sat and found myself at equanimity after maybe 15 minutes. I'll try to write a better report soon.

I'm doing a one day retreat next Sunday, not sure what to do with it yet.

Our practices sound very similar right now. I had a profound change(maybe SE) near the beginning of March. It's good to hear that someone is experiencing the same things I am. Low motivation, no longer starting in A&P, a constant feeling of contentment when mindful. Good luck, and thanks for the inspiration and motivation.

RevElev, the similarities are very interesting! I think I'm mostly still starting in A&P. Whether I've been paying attention/noting that day seems to affect it.

I think I rode the jhanic arc (review phase A style) in a dream this morning.


Just meditated for 45 minutes.
Counted the breath and then walked for a few minutes. As I was counting, subtle vibrations and pulses. Felt 'settled' immediately.
Walking, noting aloud: lots of happiness and contentment, calmness, smiling, pressure, tension, amusement, planning thoughts, remembering thoughts, etc. I was feeling a little sad earlier this morning so this was a welcome relief.

Pleasant chills/cool wave of energy right as I sat down Shift in the body to cool tingling on the edges of the body, especially noticeable on the arms. Calmness and bliss.

Soon after, not feeling so great. Very clear flash of fear then misery then disgust. Noted them as such and also a thought trying to remember if that's the order of the dukkha nanas in the map (I've been constantly amazed by the knowledge that the progress of insight is real lately... how could it possibly work this way?) Body felt constricted, especially the throat. A little restless, swaying. Anxiety, doubt. Difficulty maintaining an upright posture.

Things settled down a bit. Still felt a little crappy. Suddenly the noting stopped. Lots going on in the body - hard to pick one thing to focus on. Tried to resume noting; it was more difficult and felt less accurate so I dropped it. Increasingly calm and settled as time went on.
Turned my attention to the 'ships in the harbor' - heard some birds outside, cars driving by, etc. Eyes closed for the first time this sit.
[cont.]

Subtle strobing in the visual field and extremely subtle vibrations all over the body (whose boundaries were becoming a little vague). Very, very pleasant and absorbed just sitting silently. Felt like I could sit for a long time like this. Strobing/fluttering kicked up a little then became more subtle again. Absorption faded and I opened my eyes and stretched a bit. Still felt the same, just not absorbed: calm, subtle vibrations all over, wide attention.

A few waves of bliss. Very similar to what I take to be dissolution (like when I first sat down). Before the last one I think I noticed a quick wave of fear and anxiety. Maybe I was going back down the arc? I didn't notice a return to the A&P at any point. At the end of the sit I felt normal except noting was still difficult because I was so blissed out.

Does review phase B start at 1st or 4th nana?

"Does review phase B start at 1st or 4th nana?"

Review phase B starts at 1st nana. Looks like this:

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1, repeat

You might have fruitions in the 11th nana, but they do not reset the cycle or loop you back to an earlier nana. So it is a smooth ride up and down the jhanic arc.

""Does review phase B start at 1st or 4th nana?"

Review phase B starts at 1st nana. Looks like this:

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1, repeat

You might have fruitions in the 11th nana, but they do not reset the cycle or loop you back to an earlier nana. So it is a smooth ride up and down the jhanic arc."

Thanks, that's a very handy bit of info, and jives with my recent experiences.

Yeah, I found that confusing before "That felt like a fruition... but I'm still going up the arc..."

25 minute sit. Solidity! I've stepped up the noting the past few days and it was quick and very precise at the beginning of the sit.
Noted lots of thoughts and tension/pressure in the body, and also happiness.
Some bright itching! Lots of thoughts with it.
A couple of minutes later, physical pain and discomfort. Felt unsettled and moved around a bit. Disgust, anxiety, frustration, doubt.
Relief. Aversion to noting. Felt more awake, calm. Attention wide and clear but no absorption or pleasantness.
Maybe a flash of negativity again. Noting slower and more laborious now. Sneaky wandering thoughts here and there.
Quick wave of coolness.
Spacing out more. Restless, impatient, boredom (did not note it at the time).

I sat a one-day retreat today. 25 minute periods alternating sitting and walking/yoga. The theme for me was physical discomfort/pain.

I resolved to attain second path in the duration of the retreat. The first period started with some vibratory activity and lots of judging thoughts about my neighbors and how great of a meditator I am (yeah, right). We did some yoga and I inclined my mind to starting the next path before the next sit.

I sat straight through the 3 periods that followed, probably around an hour and a half counting the instructions and breaks. Solidity, tension in the body, wandering thoughts and some sleepiness. Perceived a causal chain at one point (this caused a mapping thought). Defining characteristic was tension/pressure in the body. Intense jaw tension as well as upper back and forehead here and there. I was paying special attention to thoughts because I'm especially embedded in them.

Itching started to occur. They weren't glaringly bright like they have been before but still pretty attractive. Eventually some pulsations and subtle vibrations, then back to itching. Stayed with an itch... again it opened up. This back-and-forth might've happened a few times. I felt more in the groove after a while and more concentrated.

Joy, excitement, smiling, brightness in the visual field and then pleasant vibrations. Not mind blowing but definitely something. A wave of coolness immediately accompanied by bliss. Vibrations on the surface of the body (these were clearer than in the past). A change in orientation: much calmer than the previous thing which had more of an edge to it; also a downward 'pull'. Back to feeling normal for the rest of the sit. Wandering thoughts, tensions in the body, etc. Intense pain but I sat through it.

[cont.]

Break for lunch and a mindful work period (did the dishes). Lost some noting momentum here. First period after lunch, extremely drowsy. Going in and out... noting and hallucinations/dream images.
Sat through 2 periods next. Rather unpleasant, primarily physical discomfort/pain. Felt like 3rd nana but without consistent bright itching (they appeared sporadically).
Rest of the afternoon was the same just increasing in severity. More restless. Irritation and judging thoughts about the repeated instructions ("relax the body from the crown to the tips of the toes? that's new..."). The back pain was getting really bad and I was noticing more aversion to it. I decided to drop the noting and just feel the pain. Initially it felt like a knot in the back but soon after, I couldn't find anything. When I "zoomed out", it was there... but once I tried to find it I couldn't get anything.
Very fatigued by this point and noting was pretty difficult, especially thoughts.

Got up for walking meditation. Normal then super slow which was nice at first then pretty irritating. Then, fast walking. That was nice and alleviated the pain for a bit.

A few more sitting periods... more of the same. No vibratory activity since the long sit in the morning.

Forgot to mention: lots of strobing, especially in the first half of the day.

Feeling nasty right now. Nausea just kicked in a half hour ago, but maybe I just need to eat.

45 minutes, noting mostly aloud. Walked for the first 10 or so. Tension-unpleasant, coolness, pressure, remembering thought, hearing, softness, imaging thought, etc. Definitely feels like a new start.
Some itching started soon after sitting down but it wasn't the full thing yet so it was hard to stay with it. Mind was very scattered. Kenneth once told me that the key to getting through 3rd nana is to counteract this tendency by staying with one object (such as an itch). I decided to focus on the rising and falling of the abdomen Mahasi-style, noting (silently) other dominant objects that arise. Did this for a couple of minutes. Felt calmer and had some tingling rising up my back. A juicy itch appeared so I dropped the breath and focused on it, noting aloud again. Did this for the rest of the sit; the itch and other things as they appeared - boredom, lots of rehearsing thoughts about writing this report, etc.

inspiring log - thanks for your practice!

Feels like I'm starting this project over. Things are pretty unpleasant (I'm also on the verge of getting sick which is not helping). Still very little motivation to practice, partly because I have finals next week and I'd prefer to put off the dark night until afterwards. Off the cushion, very scattered and unfocused... any sort of continuous practice is very difficult to sustain.

Hi Nadav,
I know it sounds like hearing te same thing over again, but just note all the bad stuff the same as the good stuff.
because thats all it is STUFF. Its not you!


Hope this helps Steve

Sounds like a mirror image of my practice lately. Good luck with exams!!

Indeed. I've been getting the head pressure too. And thanks!

Past 2 nights: extreme brightness in the visual field when going to sleep at night. Really, really bright even though the room is almost completely dark.

I spent 8 hours driving on Friday - always a good chance to practice. I listened to a talk by Bhante Vimalaramsi that CheleK linked ( www.dhammasukha.org/Study/mn-111.htm - the first one). I really liked the talk. My natural inclination is more towards effort and striving so it was good to hear about this more relaxed approach. Perfect time for me to be reminded that it's okay for the mind to wander as long as you bring it back.
Noting is still my most comfortable technique but I've been working on being more accepting of whatever happens after hearing the talk. When the mind wanders, relax, smile and continue. This has helped me get back in the groove and note more continuously (when I remember to do so).

Past few days have been more pleasant. Feels like things are starting to move; sitting is easier and I'm getting more concentrated. Bright itching appears here and there but hasn't been very consistent. Some pulsations here and there on and off the cushion and the beginnings of vibrations. Just flirting with the A&P a little, seems like. The desire to sit is coming back a bit.

I'm feeling a major pull towards a more open approach: just relaxing & feeling the body/breath from moment to moment. I think it started after stream entry. On the other hand, noting has proven effective for me and still feels right at times. I've been mixing the two, sort of like the wheel: when things settle, I stop noting; when I 'wake up' from absorption I note again. I don't know if this is wise or if I should stick with one.

30 minute sit, noting aloud. Started with the usual stuff. In no particular order: pressure, coolness, tension (body fairly relaxed actually), planning thought, remembering thought, evaluation thought, anxiety, imaging thought, etc.

After ~5 minutes, a monster itch on my arm. Fat and unpleasant. Focused on it for a while. Noticed that lots of thoughts would still arise as I was noting the itching. Wasn't sure whether to stay with the itch or note these too... so I did a little of both. The itch grew and pulsated a little bit. Became absorbed and visual strobing began (eyes closed at this point). A wave of pleasant tingling all over the body (a second or two) and then some localized tingling here and there for a short time afterwards. Still with the itch, but it was a little weakened now.
Started spacing out and eventually scratched the itch mindlessly. Lots of thoughts, some restlessness and boredom.

" I've been mixing the two, sort of like the wheel: when things settle, I stop noting; when I 'wake up' from absorption I note again. I don't know if this is wise or if I should stick with one.

"

'The Wheel' seems like a really natural approach. I've been getting to a place where I can rest in some kind of stable silence for a longer period of time than normal, but inevitably I drift off at some point. As soon as I notice what's happened, launching into out-loud noting seems to reboot the whole thing pretty quickly. But I also struggle with trusting myself: Maybe those moments when I stop noting are precisely the ones when I need to ramp it up and push it. There are some lines in some of the Mahasi texts that run something like 'at this point the yogi will want to stop noting, but he should continue or else such and such will happen...' Hmmm...

I've been trying Bhante Vimalaramsi version of anapanasati where you relax, smile and return to the object of meditation when the mind wanders. I started on Friday with a 6 hour drive and did it most of the day yesterday, with occasional periods of witness practice and 'ships in the harbor'. I sat for 30 minutes yesterday and today using this anapanasati method.

Today's sit began with some visual strobing. About half way through, tingling all over the body, excitement, rising energy. The tingling developed into pleasant vibrations that grew in intensity. Strobing in the visual field, tension in the eyes and brightness. It calmed down a little and my head felt very wide.
At the very end, a sudden wave of chills with a strong exhale. Cool blissful vibrations all over the surface of the skin and a strong emphasis on the exhale over the inhale. Very obvious.

Just sat for ~55 minutes, noting silently (at home with the family for a few days).
Walked for the first 5-10 minutes, noting pressure/softness/coolness of the footsteps, hearing, lots of thoughts. Noting was very fast, continuous and effortless for the first few minutes after sitting down. I was sitting very still and watching things come and go very rapidly. Felt like I could've gone even faster if I didn't have to verbalize everything, but I was in the groove so I kept noting.
Things opened up fairly quickly. First, a deep full-body pulse centered in the head, pretty subtle at first. I stayed with an itch for a little bit. Then, vibrations and many simultaneous pulses all over. Rapture, excitement. Trippy visuals (eyes open) - visual field dancing around, colors altered. This lasted for some time... to be counted in minutes. Maybe 5 or 10, don't know.
The vibrations settled down after a while and I became sleepy. Started spacing out, imagining things, etc. Noting more difficult. I got up and drank some water. Stood for maybe minute and then sat back down. Some confusion, a little frustration, uncertainty. The joy from earlier was gone, but I still felt pretty OK. Some subtlety within the body but not nearly as active as before. Should've noted boredom here. Tension started building all over the body and it felt like the body was being pressed down.
Eventually the vibrations started again. I think things were a little more subtle this time. Attention felt wide for a bit and then suddenly tighter again, with the edges of the body very clear and a sense of flowing energy beneath the surface. Tension in the forehead/eyes. Some fluttering (strobing had appeared earlier but this was the first time the tactile component was there). Tried to watch it but it led to tension. Felt neutral over all... a little bit impatient but mostly content to just sit there. Bell rang after 45 minutes and I continued sitting for ~10 more mins.

I'm curious how your driving practice goes. Do you do this often? For me it seem like when I do it on long drives (2+ hours), the next closed-eye sit tends to be fairly physical and blissful, sometimes amazingly so.

Very much enjoy your journaling, by the way. Keep up the good work.

Andy, I drive to Atlanta from school and back every few months which is 5-6 hours each way. I'm not very stringent about it, but I generally will note out loud for the first 45-60 minutes. From there it varies. I like to listen to dharma talks/buddhist geeks on these drives. In fact, I first heard Kenneth's BG podcasts like this last May. It's the hardest to stay aware while listening to music, but singing along to my favorite Coltrane solos is an integral part of any road trip.
On the drive here on Friday I listened to a talk by Bhante Vimalaramsi and spent most of the drive practicing with that method. Very effective even while listening to music, talking on the phone, etc.

I haven't noticed any differences in formal sitting after driving but I'll watch for it! What does your practice look like on long drives?

*EDIT*: I just saw that you mention doing the 4 foundations with a timer. Is this what you still do? I did this a little bit at home when I first saw your post but haven't tried it on a drive yet. Great idea.