Marc's practice notes

All of this sounds really familiar! Keep up the good work.

These are great reports Marc!

Thanks! I'll try to keep it up...
Meditated for 40-45 minutes this morning. First counted the breath, didn't feel really concentrated.
Started noting: noted remembering, fantasizing, image thoughts, planning, thinking ahead, itches, tension, pressure, tooth ache (I went to the dentist a few days ago, and my teeth still feel sore...).
Some tingling sensations and moving lights in the visual field, while my thoughts subsided somewhat. Gradually my body was feeling a bit numb; less thoughts, less bodily sensations. Wondering what I should note, trying to stay present.
Again some tingling, then more thinking: remembering, judging, planning, fantasizing. Itches, aches, tooth ache, tension in my back, pressure. Impatience, restlessness, adjusting my position, still restless and impatient. Then I got up.

I'm feeling a bit down lately, without any apparent reason. Don't know if it has anything to do with the insight stages. I 'm trying to keep seeing all sensations as they are, including unpleasant feelings and moods, but sometimes that's easier said than done...

Meditated for 50 minutes this morning. Counted the breath for aprox. 10 min, then switched to noting. At first, I felt a lot of itches and mild aches, and then I noticed more mental activity. Also thinking about how to write my experiences down. Then some tingling. After that, it felt like I didn't really notice what sensations were occurring in my body. Spacing out, forgetting to note. Then I felt my back aching, which gradually felt more intense, so I decided to lay down. After that I felt more and more absent-minded, forgetting to note all the time, and when I did remember to note, not knowing what to note. I wasn't really feeling aware.

Sat for 45 minutes before dinner. Counted the breath 5 minutes, then switched to noting. Noted remembering, planning thoughts, fantasizing, itches. Then a tingling rush through my upper body, changing into more subtle and superficial tingling, both really pleasant.
After that I felt pressure in the back of my head, feeling unable to notice precisely what was going on there. Pretty quickly I noticed another tingling wave, then more itches and aches, restlessness, impatience. After some time again I felt some mild tingling. I don't remember the period after this very vividly; it's a bit vague in my memory. I do remember that I had difficulty noting, my hands felt a bit chilly for a moment, and I noticed a heavy and solid feeling in my body. Boredom, hearing, interpreting, imgae thoughts. Got up because I felt bored, not restless.
Writing this in my notebook, I felt a bit drowsy.

Practicing as you have been has lead you this far, take these less than desirable experiences as something new you've successfully uncovered.If you keep going I bet you'll uncover something else. Make sure to stick with what works (what you've been doing).

Great stuff, your journal is excellent.

Thanks for the advice, mumuwu, I appreciate it! I'll try to keep it in mind, also when things are less than desirable...

Yesterday morning I sat for 45 minutes. Counted the breath for 5-10 minutes, then started noting. Noted thinking ahead, wondering, curiosity, fantasizing, remembering, itches, aches, pressure, tension. Then a tingling wave, ringing in my right ear, and intensely flickering sight. Itches, thinking, doubt, not knowing what to note, pressure.
Again some (very mild) tingling, then a lot of mental activity, chaos, restlessness, waiting, impatience. For a short while, sensations and noting felt quite mechanical. After this, more restlessness, a strong urge to move, strectching my arms, pressure, tension, stinging, aching, itching, impatience, restlessness. I looked at the timer, and saw that I had one minute left, so I got up. I noticed disappointment.

This morning I sat for 55-60 minutes. First counted the breath, then stayed focused on the breath. My concentration felt very strong.
After about 15 minutes, I started noting. Noted a lot of remembering thoughts, image thoughts, fantasizing, itches, waiting, stinging ache in my back, which got very intense. Restlessness, impatience, wondering why I wasn't moving on (this phase is usually much shorter), doubt, self-judging, aching, waiting, impatience, hoping. Then some tingling rushes through my arms and upper body, relief, gladness. The back ache was now gone. Noticed heaviness, waiting, thinking, hoping, confusion, doubt, not knowing what to note. Boredom, leading to restlessness and impatience, getting up.

Sat for 35 minutes this morning. Counted the breath for 5 minutes, then switched to noting. Noticed remembering, fantasizing, intentions, planning thoughts, thinking about how to describe sensations, annoyance, image thoughts, hoping, waiting, doubt. Pressure, tension, itches, head ache. Then some flickering, and a tingling rush through my upper body. Cold pressure in my left ear, itch, tension, thinking. Again some tingling, looking at the timer, disappointment, getting up.

Great notes Marc. Remember that no sit is really a waste even if it feels that way. Even the worst sit keeps the momentum of the practice going and is worth the time.

You are doing it right and things will progress naturally.

Sat 55 minutes this morning. First counted the breath for 5-10 minutes. Quite a lot of thinking, but I felt fairly concentrated.
Switched to noting, and immediately felt tingling sensations and vibrations. Also quite a lot of muscle twitches. Then coolness, heaviness, waiting, boredom, not knowing what to note, spacing out / wandering off, mapping thoughts, hoping. Then I noticed worrying, and tension in my back and stomach. Again boredom, waiting, coolness. Some minor tingling and very fine pinpricks (pleasant) through my upper body, thinking, remembering, planning, restlessness, tension, many itches, wanting to move.
Tingling wave, no more restlessness, just boredom, thinking about the time. I stretched my arms and back, and then I got up.

Sat for 30 minutes this evening. First counted the breath for 5-10 min., then started noting. Noticed remembering, fantasizing, pressure, tension. Don't clerly remember what else I noticed. Then some waves of tingling sensations. After that fantasizing, not knowing what to note, forgetting to note, some coolness, and a bit of tension in my back. Thinking about my thesis, worrying about it. Again forgetting what to note, a bit of wandering off. Then some tingling, followed by more intense tension in my back, worrying, hearing a song in my head, remembering, fantasizing, restlessness. Then I got up.

Just had a 50 minute sit. Counted the breath for about 10 minutes, and felt moderately concentrated. Switched to noting, noticed tingling sensations through my upper body. Then fantasizing, remembering, waiting, not knowing what to note. Coolness, wandering off, forgetting to note. Some very mild tingling, followed by more mental activity, tnesion, aches, remembering, fantasizing, looking ahead. Restlessness, impatience, urge to move, stretching my arms and back, waiting. Then a bit of tingling, slowing down, boredom, wandering off. I looked at the timer, kept sitting for a few minutes, and then got up.

Sat for 65 minutes this morning.
First I counted the breath for about 10 minutes. Then I switched to noting.
I noticed itches, aches, stinging, remembering, fantasizing, planning, hearing. A lot of mental activity.
Then I noticed tingling sensations, followed by coolness, waiting, not knowing how to label sensations, silence, fantasizing, wandering off.
Then some mild tingling, then more mental activity and restlessness, urge to move/get up. Noting speeded up, and then again tingling/vibrating sensations, accompanied by moving/flickering light.
Coolness, not knowing what to note, silence, slowing down, doubt, waiting, worrying, some sort of tension in my abdomen, analyzing this. Then I got up.

This morning sat for 35 minutes. First counted the breath for about 10 min. Then switched to noting.
Noticed itches, tension, pressure, aches, stinging. Also remembering, planning, fantasizing.
Then I heard a loud noise, it was a drill in the neighbour's house (they're renovating the house). It really startled me and immediately I felt annoyed. So I noticed hearing, recognizing, annoyance. The annoyance turned into anger. I noticed judgment, for being angry about something like that. Not long after that I got up.
The rest of the morning I felt irritable and reactive. Still a bit grumpy now.

Marc, I'm enjoying your journal. Thanks for sharing it.

Funny about the neighbors... last year I was noting out loud in an apartment with very thin walls. Every day I'd note imagining, embarrassment for what my neighbors must think of the crazy guy next door walking back and forth and talking to himself.

Ha, I can imagine! For me, embarrassment would be the main reason for not noting out loud... Thanks for your comment!

Yesterday I had a pretty typical sit, with a lot of restlessness and impatience.

This morning I sat for 45 minutes. Started noting without first counting the breath. At first I noted mostly body sensations: tension, aches, pressure, itches, tightness. Then more thinking, remembering, fantasizing, hearing thoughts, image thoughts. A bit of tingling, then some coolness, fantasizing, waiting. A tingling wave through my arm, then planning thoughts, remembering, head ache, fantasizing, wondering about the time, impatience.

Great reports, Marc. Nice detail. Thanks!

Thanks for the encouragement, jgroove! Hearing from others that I'm doing things right helps me to hang in there and not to be too critical of myself.

Sat for 35 minutes this morning. Started noting from the start. Noticed quite a bit of tension in my back, some itches, tension in the abdomen, tightness in chest area. Fantasizing, image thoughts, hearing, interpreting, doubt, insecurity. Suddenly a very intense flickering, which lasted for just a few seconds. After this I noticed waiting, fantasizing. My attention became more scattered and slow. Not knowing what to note, feeling like I was missing out on sensations or chasing them without getting a hold of them. Boredom, wondering off, waiting. Then a very mild tingling wave, more thinking, fantasizing, tension, back ache, waiting, impatience, restlessness, urge to get up, checking the time, disappointment, intention to sit again tonight, getting up.

Had a 35-40 minute sit before dinner. At first I noticed a lot of tension in my back and stomach, and tightness just below my chest. The tension in my stomach and below my heart area felt very vibratory. Some itches. At a certain point, everything started feeling very chaotic, especially mentally, but also a very chaotic body feeling.
Building up of tension in the abdomen/chest, thinking about the 3C's, anxiety. Then a surge of tingling energy, followed by coolness and some chills. Confusion, doubt, heaviness, difficulty noting. Sensations seemed to appear on the periphery (in the back and left/right) and I couldn't accurately notice them. Then (I'm not sure) tension and pressure in my stomach. Something seemed different from other sits, but I can't remember what. After some time a mild and cool tingling wave, then some itches, tension, remembering, planning, a bit of restlessness. Again a (pretty long) pleasant cool wave of tingling sensations. Then everything slowed down, and I noticed waiting, not knowing what to note.
I remembered something I had to do tonight, and intended to get up, but I didn't: my body felt very heavy and the motivation to get up just dropped away. I noticed heaviness, laziness. Pretty quickly a nes (minor) tingling wave appeared, and then I got up.
After getting getting up I felt very unfocused, a bit like being stoned.

Sat for almost 50 minutes this morning. First some tension in my stomach and back, itches, aches. Hearing, interpreting, image thoughts, thinking, fantasizing, planning, worrying. Then two mild tingling waves. I was gradually feeling less aware, waiting for clearly distinct sensations. Then some tension in the abdomen/chest, a bit of anxiety, mapping thoughts, trying to stay aware of the tension, which gradually disappeared again. Fantasizing, boredom, mild tingling through my arms. Growing restlessness, both mental and physical, impatience, urge to get up, wiggling my toes, stretching my upper body. Trying to just stay aware of the restlessness and impatience without acting on it. I stayed on the cushion for about 5 more minutes, then I checked the time and I got up.

Sat 45 minutes this morning. Noticed itches, tension in stomach and back, neck pain. Remembering, judging, hearing, image thoughts. Planning, fantasizing, worrying, fear, doubt, guilt, waiting. Most of the time I felt very distracted, and I didn't know what to note. Noticed impatience, restlessness, intending, stretching. Still neck pain, and also some head ache. I decided to lie down. Noticed waiting, boredom, impatience, and then I got up. I felt very dissatisfied and disappointed.

Although I try not to interpret too much in my practice notes, lately I have been quite preoccupied with where I am in terms of the progress of insight and whether I am actually making progress. For example, last night when I was half asleep, suddenly I had a very intense panic/fear that completely engulfed me. I tried to scream, but I couldn't, and then I woke up. Immediately after this I wondered: could this be a sign that I'm reaching Fear? And after meditating this morning, I felt really disappointed, because it seemed like I didn't even go through A&P...
I just wanted to be honest about this, as all these mapping thoughts etc are also part of what's going on right now. It feels a bit dishonest not to include this in my practice notes.