MuMuWu's Practice Journal

"When I reached the same point as last sit, I eventually noticed that the darkness that I had mentioned previously began to cascade from the periphery into the center in a rhythmic, circular wavelike way, such that it would look like before (darkness around the candle) then darkness woud drop away and the quickly build up again from the outer edges in. Eventually it stabilized and I noticed that the candle was once again very in focus. "

I have definitely had those wavelike like cascades of darkness, though not with a candle flame. For me they come with focusing on the breath, and will move across my vision from right to left. It kind of reminds me of the sweep on a radar screen. So you maintain focus on the primary object and the sweeping eventually stabilize, eh? I will have to give that a shot next time.

It reminded me of this as well (in the way it built up and then suddenly was back at the beginning over and over):
www.bio.miami.edu/rob/sparks.html

I think we are talking the same sort of thing for sure.

I'm guessing it would have to stabilize eventually as all things have to come to an end at some point.

Definitely the same thing, the speed of that gif actually matches it really closely.

Mine was more around and around, more swirly than straight up and down. Like a light slowly sweeping across the vision, or a cloud gathering and dispersing. I'll have to see if it sticks around long enough to stabilize. I don't think my concentration's strong enough at this point.

The speed is dead on as is the development and then sudden dropping off.

The gif is of a Jacob's ladder
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spark_gap#Visual_entertainment
named after this (obviously)
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jacob's_Ladder

Interesting in the context of physioenergetic development don't you think?

Oh yes, it is indeed fascinating. Building the psychic architectural equivalent of a stairway to heaven?

I'm certainly not interested in such an endeavor, more interested in seeing how such a thing isn't needed. However, the idea that we are seeing something that has an equivalent in terms of electricity in the context of the physioenergetic discussion is quite neat. I'm about the top down sort of mysticism (resting in the one who knows) vs. the bottom up (building some sort of psychic body that can transcend death).

I don't want to build no tower of babylon

"I'm certainly not interested in such an endeavor, more interested in seeing how such a thing isn't needed. However, the idea that we are seeing something that has an equivalent in terms of electricity in the context of the physioenergetic discussion is quite neat. I'm about the top down sort of mysticism (resting in the one who knows) vs. the bottom up (building some sort of psychic body that can transcend death).

I don't want to build no tower of babylon "

Oh no, I didn't mean to imply any psychic body building, just the stuff Kenneth talks about with the physio-energetic development (1st gear).

Towers will always fall.

That they do!

"Psychic Body Building" just gave me a hilarious image (Body builders staring at their muscles until they grow).

Nice one. : )

I'm picturing those old 50's style "so you get picked on at the beach, do you?" muscle building ads. Stare really hard and concentrate, and the... pop! Ha!

Hey Skinny! Yer Ribs are Showing!

Charles Atlas:
www.tomheroes.com/Comic%20Ads/classic%20ads/charles%20atlas.htm

Hilarious.

Hmm, and it all start's by reading Charles's free book... Sounds familiar, no? : )

15 minutes of dynamic tension a day and you'll see results lol!

LOL @ Charles Atlas, I'm sharing it on my Facebook.

"I'm about the top down sort of mysticism (resting in the one who knows) vs. the bottom up (building some sort of psychic body that can transcend death)."

maybe the way we think of it is what we need at our certain point of time. whichever view resonates with us. looking at it for me in terms of that 'psychic body that can transcend death' gives it that feeling of 'solidity' or strength or courage or action, seeing as resting gives it more tranquility..

the building uses the conventional world of form, the resting uses the ultimate truth, but we exist in both form and emptiness..

ps. just some uncensored brain farts

To me the desire to transcend death is indicative of an attachment to self. I am trying to see past self, to realize that there isn't one here. That this is just a swirling vortex of energy and that I really don't need to try and hold it all together. It arises and passes away like all things and as such, no body is required other than this human one (of which the god's, supposedly, are envious).

Drop all views, all positions and be here in the now. Stay with the present moment and you have it all.

"Human beings come empty handed, go empty handed. When you are born, where do you come from? When you die, where do you go? Life is like a floating cloud which appears. Death is like a floating cloud which disappears. The floating cloud does not exist. A human being coming and going, life and death, are also like that. Our body is like the floating cloud. But there is one thing which always remains clear. It is pure and clear, not dependent on life and death. What is the one pure and clear thing? If you find it, you will have freedom from life and death. So, where do you come from? Don't know, right? I ask you, what is your name?

Mark. That's your body name. Not your true self name. How old are you? (Zen Master Seung Sahn laughs.) Maybe you understand body age, but you don't understand true age. When you die, where do you go? Don't know, right? So: coming, "don't know"; name, "don't know"; age, "don't know"; going, "don't know." So, you are "don't know," OK? That's "don't know mind." Very important."

Note to self:

buy this book roomy suggested in Jackson's thread:

"I don't think there is a more gorgeous exposition about koans, poetry, Zen, and the Christian, esoteric Jewish, and philosophical traditions than Steven Mitchell's book, "Meetings with the Archangel". I reread it every couple of years for the sheer delight of it. It has everything from the old Chan masters to Martin Buber and Meister Eckhart and Rilke. Plus a very convincing description of what sex among angels is like-- insofar as a human being can experience it!

And it was the first reference I ever encountered, to 'post-awakening practice."

When things get course and I am experiencing anxiety or something like that I am noting, out loud if circumstances allow.

When I am doing something like driving / menial tasks I will do witness practice.

More and more I am tuning into the sense of freedom of 3rd gear.

My main sitting practice now is riding the arc up (haven't really been sitting with it on the way back down). I am spending time at each strata I access using the eye technique (eyes down to go deeper) and trying to get a really good feel for it. I am trying to do more fruition practice when I get to the equanimity stages. I am doing this by focusing on flow (changes in the visual field, the breath, pulsing, things like that - with a focus on the end of sensations) to try and induce annica fruitions. I am focusing on the negative/dukkha side of my experience to induce dukkha fruitions and I am asking myself who am I (usually just once) and then looking for a response / paying attention to the non-self nature of the experience to induce annata fruitions. This appears to be working but I really need to spend more time at it to get a really good feel for each. Previously if I was getting strobing or something like that I would focus on it and it did the trick or I was using the eye flicker technique to induce them.

Formless realms are experienced in every sitting as long as I spend enough time sitting. I need to spend some time sussing out the top end of where I can get to (there are things happening after 8th).

On a daily basis I have been mainly doing second gear with an eye to 3rd and I haven't really been focusing on 1st enough as of late to really get a handle on where my cutting edge is right now.

ME: "Owen, you have no idea how much that inspires me to keep working on this thing. What you just described is like my dreams come true!"

Owen: "Did you note inspiration? "

ME: Naw, I was being lazy.

Laziness, amusement, pressure - neutral, annoyance, happiness, pressure...

Owen: "Huzzha!"

Me:"Oddly enough, I kept noting after that while working on a computer and had an intense fruition that really left me reeling for a few seconds. Thanks for that it was awesome!"

That was a big one!!!
Still feel the aftereffects...

Hey Mumu, sounds like your practice has taken a huge leap, right? Congrats!

Oh by the way, Stephen Mitchell is the husband of Byron Katie, right?

Yeah they are married.

As to my practice... well I think it's getting better. Getting a handle on a lot of things, but at the same time, there is a lack of motivation to practice. I'm pretty content most of the time and so I really don't get it in my head to go and sit a lot. I'm usually doing things throughout the day (noting, witness, concentration, having an eye to freedom). I'm guessing it's just a phase

All sensations are devoid of self
My conceptual structure (thinker, I), through conditioning has associated some of these sensations with itself
Witness practice asks who am I
The sensations associated with the I thought come into focus
Taking these sensations as a concentration object I watch for thoughts (which mostly do not arise unless I lessen my focus, usually due to distraction)
When thoughts are noticed I ask to whom do these arise
No new answer is given beyond the sensations i am grasping
Eventually the mind becomes still and I investigate the sensations and their nonself characteristic becomes clear
Soon there is only suchness without a conceptual overlay. There is no I and there is no other there is only mind as it is. There is no past or future.

The wheel begins to wobble eventually and I return to concepts, a taste of freedom remains.

I went for a walk this evening after cultivating this (kenneth's direct path instructions) for a while. It was wonderful. the sky was a beautiful dark blue, the moon was a bright white. There were a couple of crisp bright stars starting to shine. Every now and then the attention started to contract onto a separate part of experience but this was felt and I did the grounding technique with it. A gas station, lit up in the distance was heavenly. Smells were just there as well. Grass, flowers, burning gas. All wonderful. I noticed insects flying by, wonderful little yellow flowers in the grass, and oh how wonderful trees are. I strolled around a prayer garden outside a local church and gazed on the brightly colored statues.

It was wonderful. One of the key things i thought about after was how by not looking at anything in particular everything was streaming in all at once. So I was seeing, hearing, and smelling all without directing the attention. I think I'll take another slow walk before bed. Good times!

Just did it again. Walked by a pond near my girlfriends house. Telephone poles are astounding on a clear moonlit night. The way the light plays off the grain in the pole and the stark shadows against the deep blue sky are beautiful. The sound of the ocean played out in the background as I just strolled around looking up at the trees. Houses, gardens, my shadow, a dog barking in the distance - all beautiful. It felt as if I was walking around in a Japanese Zen painting. It is so pristine and calm though. There's nothing flashy or gaudy about this. Taking a slow stroll outside seems to be the perfect vehicle for this practice.

It feels like these two walks are a couple of the nicest moments in my life. I can't thank you enough. The metaphor of the sunspot just made things so clear. Wonderful!

It seems that the initial period of poking fingers in sunspots (LOL) can be a bit unpleasant. But, by keeping the attention on those things after a while stuff settles out and opens up.

If one wants to be in the direct mode, but isn't at present and is trying to keep awareness on the negativity, one can be a bit on edge (sort of like during dukkha nanas, for example) - like a "leave me alone I'm trying to get into some mode where I can be nice to you". So, I think one has to be somewhat skillful in when they try to make the entry into this mode (Until it can be done without a lot of effort - which is not quite there yet for me).

If I had been noting, rather than trying to bring about a state, the irritability would probably be somewhat less than when doing the initial stages of this practice (at least that was my observation last night).