MuMuWu's Practice Journal

Look out for the blob!

It'll do anything to survive LOL!

www.horrorstew.com/images/TheBlobRemakeBox.jpg

Staying on top of proto emotions is working fairly easily still.

A sense of wonder at what's going on right now is still there, however it is much much more pronounced as soon as I go outside.

Work, driving in a heavy storm, etc. are all very manageable to me. I'm liking this quite a bit. Interacting with others is also much much more pleasant as that has always been somewhat difficult for me.

This rocks!

nice!

The game: 10:14 pm - september 22nd - begin counting

Note: hard drive in computer died. Possible loss of several years of data ( may be able to get backup to work - hurricane last night). Reaction - minimal to none - just proto blobs. Beginning counter now for sake of being absolutely accurate. Will note first occurrence of overt anger.

Going to have to restart the old counter methinks.

The weekend is coming up. I think I'll try a bit more 1st gear/2nd gear tomorrow and once that stabilizes somewhat I'll go see the tollbooth man...

While I'm working tomorrow I will still be doing the lightning rod. I have to prepare a presentation with a real type A kinda guy.

Reset

Succumbed to gross sadness and self pity. Felt as though no matter how hard one tries to help others or be kind it is still not enough. It's just me feeling sad for myself really.

Oh well... Time to note for a while I guess.

It happens to the best of us Jayson, keep the faith... Actually keep the practice but you know what I mean

Helping yourself can be hard enough, helping others ...
This too shall pass.

Indeed! Thanks guys. I noted mind states until they waned. I then did self inquiry, not just resting as the witness but asking to whom does this arise as each thought or sensation entered awareness. Once things settled down I returned to the light ing rod, grounding proto blobs as they arose

Last night I had a dream. It was a complete movie. A full story from start to finish. I was not in the dream though. There was no first person perspective. Strange as this never happened to me that I can recall. Just like a movie...

Today while driving home after working on a project at the office, I was practicing the lightning rod. Looking at ducks flying around, the sunset, cars, etc. Listening to the Purple Rain album by prince at the same time.

At some point the boundaries slipped away. The normal tension of self was gone (as it was last week while walking in the night time). I take this to be the PCE that the actualists speak of. It's like the good qualities of the lightning rod experience but amplified. It also seems to require no-focus to maintain. It is so pure and wonderful.

I noticed that one can think and analyse the state, although it faded fairly quickly (within a few minutes).

Very nice.

"It's like the good qualities of the lightning rod experience but amplified."-Mumuwu

Or maybe you just now understood the lightning rod? Remember, though, the lightning rod is not an experience, it is a technique. The experiences you have or the perspectives you access while doing the technique will tend to deepen and stabilize over time. Whenever you practice a technique it's best not to plant the flag, meaning that you don't assume that whatever experience you had while doing the technique is the final word.

By being technique-oriented rather than experience-oriented, you cannot dead-end yourself; you just practice the technique and see what happens. Ultimately, you will surrender even the technique; this is part of paying the toll. But don't get ahead of yourself. You have not milked the last drop of goodness from the lightning rod.

""It's like the good qualities of the lightning rod experience but amplified."-Mumuwu

Or maybe you just now understood the lightning rod? Remember, though, the lightning rod is not an experience, it is a technique. The experiences you have or the perspectives you access while doing the technique will tend to deepen and stabilize over time. Whenever you practice a technique it's best not to plant the flag, meaning that you don't assume that whatever experience you had while doing the technique is the final word.

By being technique-oriented rather than experience-oriented, you cannot dead-end yourself; you just practice the technique and see what happens. Ultimately, you will surrender even the technique; this is part of paying the toll. But don't get ahead of yourself. You have not milked the last drop of goodness from the lightning rod."

This is very helpful Kenneth. The technique immediately has certain effects, but I find that this happens when I practice it well for some time, particularly in nature. I think What you wrote is exactly correct. I think by having these experiences, it certainly gives me the incentive/faith to practice more intently and consistently. Thanks! Let's chat about it tomorrow.

Lightning rod is a trip, and I've had some wonderful experiences that I'd like to make stable.

In that vein, I will be dropping it, except for situations where I need to have a grip on my emotions (like my business lunch today) and will be focusing on first gear.

Will be practicing the wheel mainly go forward and keeping a detailed practice journal again.

Once I get clear on where I am at in regards to 1st path I will likely be switching to witness practice (I need to work on my fruition practice right now).

Sounds like a good plan to me.

Love you all!

[10-09-27 7:57:47 PM] jaysonbyrne: kenneth - just a clarifying question when you get a chance. Do I practice at the sweet spot only, or alternate between it and the concentration position (or was the concentration position just shown as a contrast between the ramped up vipassana one)
[10-09-27 7:57:51 PM] jaysonbyrne: for the wheel
[10-09-27 7:59:11 PM] Kenneth Folk: Use the concentration position to rest and regroup when you feel agitated as well as the starting place to find the sweet spot.
[10-09-27 7:59:21 PM] jaysonbyrne: thanks!

1st attempt at the wheel (20 minutes)

Spent most of the time noting out loud.

Did not notice pulsing in any clear way that lasted more than a few moments
Noted a lot of itching / tension / pain / and unpleasantness (lots of moisture/warmth that wasn't pleasant on the skin).
Mindstates somewhat less obvious - noted these for a while
A few I recall were:
- searching
- interest
- aversion
- wondering

Not a lot of thoughts noted (definitely need to work at this level more)

Tingling in hands became more prevalent throughout the sitting, itches became brighter and increased in number as sit progressed. Many became tingling/bubbling. Most of the sensations being noted were on the outside of the body - on the surface of the skin.

Was noting out loud so was able to notice periods where I blanked out/became embedded

Noticed at one point a lot of tension in the back of the head right above the neck that would build. This was quite unpleasant

Switched to eye positions toward the end of the sit to try it out.

Noticed the tingling became more detailed as I settled into the concentration position
Switched to flickering.
Still trying to find the sweet spot. Did find a position that was more subtle but involved very rapid pulsing. Not sure if the stops in it where because I was letting go of effort or if it is part of a pattern (i.e. need to play with the amount of effort/eye position to get an optimum balance).

Felt warm energy increasing as I did the eye flickering. A happy/anxious energy.

---
Looking forward to trying this more.

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Sitting several minutes later and taking some deep breaths and I notice tingling/vibrations all over the surface of the body. There is some tension in the face and back of the head. Several bright itches around the body.

Noting while typing

rising
falling
pressure
itching
itching
pressure /
moisture /
itching -
looking /
tingling +
warmth +
anxiousness
moisture /
itching -
itching -
itching -
itching -
practice thought
itching -
pressure /
searching
itching -
itching -
moisture /
coolness +
tension -
itching/moisture -
itching -
itching -
tingling
tightness -
searching

Phone call

Summary - Most stuff happening on the skin / mainly a negative tone. Eventually leaning toward tingling all over instead of itching. Pressure around face and head that is unpleasant and sense of constriction in chest.

Pressure remains in head (mainly around forehead/cheeks/mouth/jaws)

Just tried the wheel again

After settling into the concentration positon notice rising warmth/happiness and possible feelings of anticipation or anxiety

Switch to eye flickering. Somewhat steady pace with occasional gaps in the pattern. Notice sharp rise in energy and tingling on skin (bliss?). Neat.

Continue doing this. Eventually notice pressure in the back of the head above the spine.

Since stopping pressure in back of head still there. Now feeling some tension in the chest along with that and several clear bright itches around the body.

Resolve to do noting leading to this as much as possible (i.e. the wheel) into the foreseeable future.

Noting on the way to work

Still lots of itching
Occasionally noting queasiness / nausea (with me actually coughing or gagging) - unpleasantness in the throat
Itching occasionally becomes a full bodied tingling on the surface of the skin.
Several brighter itches will usually stand out amongst the tingling
Noting mind-states getting easier
Not a lot to note in terms of thought (occasional map thought / work thought)

On another note, I had my first experience with lucid dreams last night. I noticed something out of kilter in the dream and knew it was a dream. I started to fly then woke up. Had a couple of other ones but don't recall the details/don't care to share them

Lots of tingling all over the body right now. Fairly subtle. Several bright itches

Noting one continuously lead to a pulsing just above my left eyebrow and another clear pulse on my right side. Stayed with the one on the right until it vanished.

Interesting.

Back to work!

Been picking up on more pulsing today.

Occasionally I'll notice them in my finger tips as my hand rests on my desk, or full bodied pulses (I noticed one after stretching and yawning).

Staying with the pulse leads to more tingling/exhilaration and I can see that it is not steady. It will disappear for a second and come back and also it will change (weaken, speed up, slow down) etc.

Somewhat harsh / painful sensations in my forearms right now, less harsh but painful ones in my back, head, and chest.

Harsh sensations now spreading throughout body (legs, back, face, neck,). Intenseness/tension (I'm not sure how best to describe this). Almost like feelings associated with the flu.

Tingling all over the skin
Warmth
Some tension in the face
Happy
Energetic

Tired
Itching
Aching
Tingling
Quesiness

Awareness of itching, tingling, pressures, etc without a lot of effort (while driving, eating, watching a movie, etc.). Starting to get a bit fed-up with feeling kinda uncomfortable (I assume this is part of the process).

)

So the itching is less prevalent (usually one or several persistant bright itches).

More and more so the experience is of a bubbling/tingling nature all over the surface of the skin. If I stay with this in one area, like the lips there seems to be an upswell of energy/excitation and warmth.

I am looking forward to doing some formal sitting this evening (I have mostly been noting when I get an opportunity off the cushion as I go about my business and watching the itching / tingling / other sensations in the body when I can).

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This is starting to get quite intense. Large feelings of energy/warmth. Tingling very intense (bubbling/vibrations all over). Some moving but not unpleasant pressures around the face and head. For now, the sense of suffering/tension/pains/queasiness is not present.

Graininess of visual becoming more prevalent along with the tingling in the skin (are these the same phenomenon??)

---

That didn't last, but... that's cool. The intensity is lessening and the less pleasant things are resuming. Still, I'm very excited for later (to sit).

---

Still a sense of this vibratoryness in my experience (like tv snow, tactile/visual) (more subtle than just a while ago)
Pains in the back (around the shoulder blades/mid back)
Itching (particularly on the head)
Some tension in the mouth and jaw

I feel like this ( www.amovingtrain.com/transmissions1/wp-c.../static_animated.gif )