Nadav's practice notes

45 minutes, noting aloud. Walked a bit at first.
Lots of tension. Felt like the whole body was tensing up but couldn't relax. Anxiety. Scattered attention.
Things got worse with time. Very restless, lots of anxiety, frustration, judging thoughts. Noted "desire for deliverance". Body felt very uncomfortable and nasty. More of this for maybe 15 minutes.
Things cleared up very suddenly while I was following a thought. Vast stillness, wide attention. Noting stopped for a few seconds. Restlessness was still there but not much nastiness. This lasted for less than a minute and then the body felt nasty again. A few minutes later, another clearing. Bigger this time. Silence, no thoughts or any activity for a couple of seconds. Didn't feel good, but didn't feel so terrible. Contentment, boredom. Noting was difficult here. The restlessness returned after a couple of minutes and some tension, anxiety (maybe weaker now). Very restless again. Got up and walked for a few minutes. Immediately after sitting back down, a strong exhale with chills all over the body. This flipped the vibration switch... subtle ones that didn't last very long. Restlessness, impatience for the rest of the sit.

I still note with a timer when driving. These days, for longer drives like my half-hour freeway commute, I try to get 5 minutes of noting before getting on the road. It seems to kick start the noting process off for me much, much better than just starting to note. When I do that, it often takes a while to get rolling.

I'll still do the four foundations for a few cycles if I feel stuck on noting, but in general, I now usually note whatever comes up as it comes up. I did recently discover something interesting. I stopped near the half-way point of a 100 mile drive, closed my eyes and noted for a while, and a lot of things came up that I hadn't noticed while driving: light nausea, vertigo, dizziness, unsteadiness, unpleasant sensations of various kinds. See post #80 of mine.

Not sure what this means, if anything. During driving, my attention seem focused mostly on the visual field and on sounds, and to a lesser degree on the mechanics of driving, body sensations, mind states.

When I close my eyes, I don't have the input from the visual field anymore, so maybe there is more "bandwidth" available to noticing other things?

5.5 hour drive yesterday. Started out very distracted/embedded. Eventually I set a timer with 2 minute intervals and noted out loud like this for an hour. Afterwards I kept the timer going while I listened to music and kept my attention with the body/breath. It makes a big difference to have the 2 minute reminder.

Just sat for 30 minutes. Lots of thoughts... too many, too fast to note effectively. Tried asking "I wonder what my next thought will be" but I found that there was still a subtler level of mind activity that I was aware of but couldn't catch. Decided to stay with the breath which was pleasant.

"Tried asking "I wonder what my next thought will be" but I found that there was still a subtler level of mind activity that I was aware of but couldn't catch."

So familiar!

I'm not sure if you guys have tried it or not, but if I close my eyes and sort of put my attention somewhere in the middle of my head I can sort of watch proto-thoughts begin to arise and then break. It's like a bubbling mess of half formed thoughts from which full blown thoughts arise if unwatched. If I do this for a few moments and then ask "what is prior to this" I am able to briefly step out of the thought realm entirely. Often this only last a few moments before fear seems to creep up and bring me back to the thought world.

An interesting experiment...

@mumuwu
" It's like a bubbling mess of half formed thoughts from which full blown thoughts arise if unwatched."

Exactly! When you're distracted for just a moment, suddenly a thought is happening around your back, right? I haven't taken it as far as you mentioned though. I'll try "what is prior to this".

@mu - yeah I've seen that too for a few seconds at most, not sure I could get back to that if I tried but it was interesting. I had a vipassana teacher once talk about it also in sort of an off-handed way so I don't think its an isolated experience.

Well, why not introduce an intentional line of thought now. Say a free-flow image association exercise. Think of something then the next image that comes to mind, the next, etc. Now if you stop intentionally thinking and sort of hold your minds eye in the same place where those images are coming up and allow it to happen you might begin to see very faint movements and images of thoughts half formed.

"I had a vipassana teacher once talk about it also in sort of an off-handed way so I don't think its an isolated experience.
-WSH3"

Hi guys,

Kenneth teaches this technique also. It had very profound effect on me at one stage on my practise. For more, see my journal starting from post #42:

kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/thread/44...set=40&maxResults=20

Antero.

Just meditated for an hour. Been a while since I did an hour at home!
I started noting very deliberately a la Mahasi before I started: intending, reaching, coolness, extending, grasping, lifting, heaviness, tilting, drinking, etc. I started the timer and walked for about 20 minutes.
First, very slow and deliberately: lifting, moving, placing, softness, hearing, lifting, moving, placing, lengthening, etc. When noting like this, anything that takes you away from the present sensations (such as wandering thoughts) is very, very obvious.
Sped up after a few minutes, noting left and right for the feet and more stuff outside of the immediate sensations of walking. Started to feel pretty good. Boundaries of the body felt pleasant.
Sat down, noting as the adjustment of the cushion and my posture. Noting felt really good... not rushing anything. Drawn to close the eyes immediately, heading towards absorption. Can't recall any particular phenomena.
After 5-10 minutes, bright itching appears. 2 spots simultaneously. I chose one and stayed with it for a long time. Very solid and tenable... a ball of itchiness. More absorbed. Some interesting strobing in the visual field but I stayed with the itch. External environment weakened, head felt big and soft. Sitting still other than occasional swaying. The itch became very subtle and a different one, very strong, was vying for my attention. The original itch disappeared so I switched to the second one. As soon as I did this, the first itch came back weakly so I returned to it and it disappeared for good.
[cont]

More itching for a while... absorption faded and my eyes opened. A little sleepy... not to the point of falling asleep, but couldn't keep the eyes open. Very pleasant and content. This was basically the second half of the sit. Noting was difficult and would occasionally stop. Might've been a good time for "I wonder what my next thought will be."
Impatience and restless for the last 5-10 minutes.

Nadav I'm curious over the last year of noting, how often would you say you resort to out loud noting when you have the option to do so?

edit - I may have answered my own question. I read the whole thing and looks like you prefer to note outloud, correct?

-awesome log by the way.

1 hour. Bright itching while I was still walking. A little sleepy for the first 10 minutes or so after I sat down. Got a little absorbed and felt small bubbles all over the body. 'Woke up' shortly after. Noting very continuously - lots of things happening all the time! Felt a shift later in the sit. More clarity, calmness, equanimity (not sure if I'm talking about the nana). Asked "I wonder what my next thought will be." Instant stillness. No gross thoughts but lots of subtle mental activity just beyond my grasp. I know it's there but I can't really see it. Tried to see the "bubbling mess of half formed thoughts" that Jayson described in post #254. I'm not convinced I get it but I was able to see little bits here and there... disconnected images, etc. Continued noting, more difficult now. Towards the end of the sit (though I had no idea how much time had passed... very little impatience in this sit) I watched the breath. Got very absorbed very quickly. Pleasant, calm and a little sleepy - started dreaming but I don't think I fell asleep. I would notice that I am watching the movie and try to let it go. I was aware of the breath but the dream kept going.

*EDIT*: Felt dark night-ish last night. Judgmental and detached in social situations.

WSH3: Yes, I note out loud whenever possible. Noting during all of my formal sits (unless I'm with a group or around people) is out loud. Off the cushion, I often whisper silently, if that makes sense.

thanks - thats what I had guessed. I'm rapidly becoming a fan of the out loud noting myself.

45 minutes. Started out with lots of anxiety (like, every 3rd or 4th note) with tightness in the chest, tension/pain all over the body but particularly in the shoulders, frustration, doubt, self-loathing, self-judging, etc. Noting felt 'off', like I had suddenly lost my meditation skills. Familiar stuff but unexpected.
Felt sleepy so I sat with the eyes open. Felt like I couldn't sit up straight... I tried to lengthen my back a few times (noted) but quickly found myself slumping again. I noted for most of this sit but occasionally, when I found myself searching for objects, followed the breath too while noting other stuff that came up (more in line with Mahasi's instructions) until I felt like leaving the breath.
The negativity continued and started to be a little amusing after a while. I caught myself following a wandering thought and started laughing all of a sudden, noted joy, happiness, contentment, etc. Strange! A few minutes later I noticed that the physical pain was also gone.
Towards the end, some itching and then strong tension in the forehead/eyes. The eyes were pulled upwards. Soon, subtle vibrations in that area of the face. I watched the vibrations and a few other concurrent pulses appeared in other parts of the head as well as tension at the very top of the head.

20 minutes, some noting at the beginning then awareness of the breath. Tension in the shoulders and forehead for the first half and some anxiety. Building absorption. Visual strobing and fluttering and increasing vibrations in the forehead and then the entire head. Sudden shift: coarser, stronger vibrations (might be better called pulses) in the head and intense joy. A couple of minutes later, absorption quickly fades. Pressure at the top of the head just above the forehead, like something about fist-sized trying to get out of there (felt mostly neutral, slightly unpleasant).

1 hour. Tension, anxiety, nausea, disgust, frustration, embarrassment. Mind very scattered, lots of wandering thoughts under the radar. After I sat down, so very sleepy. I had a small meal before this sit... probably a bad idea. Struggled to keep my eyes open and note. Got up and walked at the end.

Sounds like progress, equanimity could be just around the corner, Or not. I'm sure something is around the corner though.

Haha, I love that - "I'm sure something is around the corner though."

45 minutes. Much more alert, just after a workout. Noting quickly and consistently, aloud. Pride, contentment, happiness at first. Tension in the forehead and lower back. Bright itching in the middle for a few minutes. Sleepiness (not nearly as bad as earlier). Then, boredom, impatience and some restlessness.
Stared at a kasina for the last 10 minutes (first time in a while). Paying attention to the color of the object - it was changing very rapidly. Felt a forward pull and an expansion of the visual field, like the eyes opening wide (maybe they did). Then, eyes went out of focused and crossed on their own, showing two objects. Vibrations started in the forehead right as this happened. Eyes re-focused after maybe 20 seconds, the vibrations remained. Lost focus again, regained it again.

35 minutes. Mind very scattered at the beginning... lots of planning/imagining thoughts (1st day of summer semester today), some anxiety, tightness in the body. Hard to stay with any one object. Watched the breath for a few minutes and things calmed down. At one point I thought "hey, I'm not thinking so much any more". Started getting absorbed. Pleasant tingling in the body and occasional 'releases' of energy sweeping the body (subtle cool tingling). Brightness in the visual field. Felt very nice over all.
Started spacing out/dreaming so I opened my eyes and noted for a bit, but was drawn back to the breath (maybe because it's so pleasant).

Sat with the group last night. I got there a little early so my first sit was probably 35 minutes, the second ~25. Both felt very short. In the first, sleepiness, lots of judging/superiority thoughts about how I'm a great meditator and then how silly those thoughts are. Very little physical discomfort/pain in either. In the second sit, calm and alert. Wide awareness. External environment gradually disappeared. Even though I sat with the eyes open, I didn't really register/think about anything going on around me. Thoughts became very slippery so I asked "I wonder what my next thought will be" which worked well. Asking the question resulted in a short moment of silence in the mind.

Sitting is desirable again as well as practice in general. Off the cushion noting is quite strong right now, including waking up in the night and morning, etc.

60 minutes just now. Easy to sit, probably could've gone longer but I have class. Tension and lots of wandering thoughts at first. A few episodes of bright itching throughout. Lots of fidgeting, stretching, etc. Noting aloud very consistently and fairly effortlessly.

Sitting for an hour every morning. Should be able to add another sit later in the day.

On Monday and Tuesday, some subtle vibrations and pulses throughout the day. Yesterday evening, very dark night-ish for a few hours: scattered-ness, self-loathing, anxiety, frustration, judging, doubt, fear, sadness, loneliness.

This morning, the beginning of my sit was overrun by thoughts of an imaginary argument, planning thoughts related to the issue, etc. Very hard to stay mindful. I decided to focus on the breath which was relaxing and the mind became more quiet. When I snapped out of absorption and my eyes opened, I noted for a few minutes then returned to the breath. I continued with this wheel-like setup for the rest of the sit. Once I got going, it was a rather pleasant sit - relaxed and clear.

Sitting in class afterwards, I noticed some very subtle pulsing (remember thinking that I could've easily missed it) that made me uneasy and a little irritated. Maybe 2-3 Hz, not sure. Lasted for a few minutes. For the rest of the 2 hour lecture, felt some anxiety, generally impatient/unsettled, weird.

Past few days have been really nice. Sitting 2-3 times a day; usually an hour in the morning and shorter sits later on. Started using a candle as a kasina. I like it but I get sick of it after 10-15 minutes so I've been using it at the beginning of all my sits and little standalone sessions here and there.
I've been experiencing these openings/clearings in my sits and randomly in life:
-wide attention and visual clarity (literally feels like the visual field is wider/panoramic)
-calmness and ease in the mind, any tension in the body is OK, an emphasized awareness of -subjectivity/the witness often localized in the head above the forehead, a little smaller than a tennis ball (RevElev talks about the sense of I shifting to the forehead... I think this is similar if not the same thing). This is a common spot for vibratory activity too.
-subtlety in the body - 'pockets' of gentle tingling/vibrations, sometimes pulsations.

I've been doing lots of noting as well as some witness practice and Kenneth's mahamudra (without the noting) in daily life.

My sits have mostly been lacking apparent stages but for the past couple of days I've been noticing a quick burst of vibrations/bubbles all over the body usually within the first few minutes of a sit. I often notice some bright itching towards the end of the sit. One of my sits yesterday was very obvious: the joyful vibrations were followed by a very obvious block of dark night stuff - disgust with accompanying grimaces, frustration, doubts about practice (I had been watching the videos of Daniel Ingram where he talks about the elimination of affective emotions and I started thinking... do I really want that? how would that affect my enjoyment of music? I laughed as soon as I realized what was happening), desire for deliverance, unpleasant tightness in the chest. Then, sudden relief with a clearing like described above.
[cont.]

[cont.]
A little bit later, sticky thoughts. Asked "I wonder what my next thought will be" and hunted them. This worked well and I spent a while watching more subtle mind activity like my reactions to the kinds of thoughts that arise, subtle desire to steer things in a direction that is seen as better/more spiritual/conducive to practice, etc. Eventually things got really, really still and I just sat there.