A beginners Journal

Very cool stuff. It's interesting to see the similarities and differences in our experiences.
Can you describe the way the energy is perceived? Pressure, vibrations, pulses, etc?

Rev, do you remember when your pattern of sittings changed?

Post 181, Mar. 11: "I found today that almost instantly(5-10 seconds) upon closing my eyes to meditate I had vibrating and light in my head. Opened my eyes and everything was normal. Closed them and in 1-2 seconds it was there again. I had energy moving around my head the whole sit. Really very pleasant. Towards the end of my sit(35-40 m) I had my eyes roll back in my head and kind of twitch around while experiencing some flashing in the visual field.
I'm finding myself to be almost completely content here and don't really have any desire to reach SE in a hurry like I used to. It will come but the way things are is fine!
Fine is the word I'd use to describe my entire life right now. I can enter and maintain an open awareness easily off the cushion, on the cushion it's the same but deeper. Nothing really bothers me much, I have the same concerns and problems but they're not sources of stress, just things that I'll deal with as best I can and then move on. I still want to sit, but I used to get stessed if I was interrupted 30m into a 45. Now, "it's fine" I just do it again. Feeling really great!"
The above seems about the point of change, again it wasn't a single moment, that I can recall. Oddly this was posted after not meditating for 2 days because of a bad case of food poisoning.
The energy is mostly pressure and tingling. I do have pulsing or strobing in the visual field regularly though, this seems to be accompanied by my eyes moving around very quickly(REM like) and eyelid fluttering. I've had a few experiences where the pressure builds behind my right eye and it almost feels like it's being pushed out of my head.

Dude! I'll wait for Kenneth to weigh in on this, but your descriptions are a perfect fit for what he has dubbed "Review Phase A".

That sense of starting out at where it normally takes 10 minutes to get to - that's A&P. And inclining toward 4th and being where you would be 25 minutes into the sit -that sounds a lot like 4th jhana/11th nana to me.

However, it's best to let the more experienced teachers call it. I can't wait to hear more!

Thanks for the feedback Ron!
This am's sit: Could have started at A&P, felt like I was part way into the sit immediately. I had some facial contortions and thoughts then into the heavy duty energy in the head and eye twitching. The energy peaked(as described above) then I just relaxed. I went through this same process twice in the next ~5 minutes. After this I became very still(like Eq. but more so) and detached from my body. I was observing my body the same way I would observe sensations. It didn't really feel like "my" body, just "a" body. I noticed at this point that my sense of I was about 2/3 of the way to the back of my head. I stayed very open and still and detached for the remainder of the 45 minutes.
Having done some reading I'm wondering if this experience, of the same thing happening over and over every sit, is maybe cycling? Dunno.

I'm getting used to the idea that it will likely be weeks or months before I'm able to confidently determine whether I've reached SE. Somewhat frustrating, but that's just something to be aware of and ask "who is frustrated?" This is becoming my daily practice, asking who is experiencing a sensation allows me to relax the tension created by the sensation. Or by the idea that someone is experiencing the sensation.
I'm wondering if my experiences don't match up very well because I don't note. I practice in what I would call a Chah style. A more relaxed, open and expansive awareness. Not sure, but I've read different practices can result in different experiences.
Still feeling like I'm beginning part way into a sit, and having almost constant energy(pressure/tingling) in my head for the entire 45 minutes. Off the cushion not a huge difference. I feel like I see things slightly differently, but only slightly. Like I have a better perspective, 1 step up the ladder and I can see the ground around me a little better. Confusion reigns again, LOL.

"I am not bothered by the fact that I am unknown. I am bothered when I do not know others." - Confucius


oh... sorry, you said confuSION..?


I think from this perspective that whatever has and is happening sounds like it's great stuff.
So you just hang in there!

Meekan,
Thanks for the laugh, good timing. Hopefully you'll reach SE before I figure out where I am!

Could be stream entry, Rev. Sounds like you could use some personal training. I recommend that you schedule a session with me or Vince or Owen or someone else who knows the territory, so you can get a little validation and guidance as well as a clearer idea of where you may be on the map.

Hoping for the best.

Great work Rev, whatever the case may be.

"Could be stream entry, Rev. Sounds like you could use some personal training. I recommend that you schedule a session with me or Vince or Owen or someone else who knows the territory, so you can get a little validation and guidance as well as a clearer idea of where you may be on the map."

Yes - when you are this confused and great things could be happening, get some teaching! That's what they are there for. If I hadn't set up a weekly check-in with Kenneth a long time back, I'm pretty sure I'd still be trying to sort out how to get stream entry or whether it happened.

Hey Rev,
I got SE it via Zen (no noting, just koan practice) but the aftermath is pretty universal. I'd say the defining feature for me was a honeymoon period where I could reliably hit equanimity. After that I was into a dark night which was much more intense and subtle. I'd say if you got it if in the next few months you go from intense clarity to a sense of loss and confusion. I'd also watch out for a sense of feeling like you understood something completely to a sense that you had only a superficial glimpse. It's like you know your mind is not doing something it used to do but you can't explain what that is. Anyhow, now would be a really good time (post path) to make some resolutions to get second path. The post path mind has a ton of potential energy that can go kinetic with the correct nudge.

Ya, time for a check in. Hopefully I'll have tme and money in April.

Hi Rev,

I think its gunna be time and money well spent! Steve

Feeling different yesterday and today, similar to after A&P. I described it as feeling like I shrugged off a wet blanket. Now I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest, or a tension has loosened in my chest. I also feel that up until now I've been chasing after something, trying to get somewhere. These two days I don't feel that at all. Now, I feel that what I need to do is just relax and let go, and it feels really good. I spoke earlier about an aversion to letting go, it seemed like "I" was afraid. That's all gone, I feel light, relieved and like I can relax and stop struggling now. Don't know what this is, but I like it.
Thanks again for all the support everybody!

Another change in how this feels today. Woke up with pressure in the forehead and it stayed most of the day. I've been irritable, and physically agitated. I can't sit still, but I'm exhausted, I just want to sleep. But, my concentration is Very good, and been able to watch this happening and not get tangled up in it. Unusual but interesting. The fascination with formal practice has returned. I'm still starting part way through a sit and the feeling of letting go is with me and I seem to be letting go of more and more. It almost feels like there's less and less of me as I sit longer and more. I feel like I'm in a sensory deprivation tank by the last 10 minutes of a sit. Free floating awareness.

"Now I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest, or a tension has loosened in my chest. I also feel that up until now I've been chasing after something, trying to get somewhere. These two days I don't feel that at all. Now, I feel that what I need to do is just relax and let go, and it feels really good. I spoke earlier about an aversion to letting go, it seemed like "I" was afraid. That's all gone, I feel light, relieved and like I can relax and stop struggling now. Don't know what this is, but I like it.
-RevElev"

Nice work Rev!

To me it sounds like a honeymooning with Stream Entry. What you are seeing now is a glimple of Enlightenment. Nothing spectacular, but still something completely different.

For me the most educational thing after SE was the perfect ease of being and the loss of striving. When sitting, this enabled me to let the nanas and jhanas do whatever they liked and just sit and watch the show, interested but at the same time completely free and unattached. When the next cycle began, I would try to cultivate this same attitude. Sometimes when the ride was no longer smooth, remembering these moments perhaps helped me to weather the storm more skillfully.

Have fun and enjoy the fruits of your practise!

Mudita,
Antero.

Thanks Antero, what you describe fits my current experience perfectly.
Again, today it seems very clear that a profound shift of some kind has taken place. All things considered, it does seem like stream entry is the most likely candidate. I'm not saying it is, but it "seems likely". I'm very relaxed and content, and just watching things arise and pass, they barely seem to touch me, let alone bother me.
On that happy note, onwards. My current plan is to just relax for a few days- a week and enjoy whatever this is. I'm still going to practice, but no pressure or attempts to "get" anything, just watch and enjoy. I don't want to get lazy so I'd love to hear any tips/advice about the best way to go about 2nd path. I'm assuming here that if this isn't SE shooting for 2nd won't be detrimental. I've done some reading and it seems that relaxing into practice is a common bit of advice. For now I'll be doing the same ol' with a more relaxed attitude. What a bummer this won't last.

There aren't a whole lot of tips for getting second path that you didn't learn by getting to first, with that one exception: relaxing into the practice more. Up until now you have had to put in a tremendous amount of effort to develop the skills to this far. Now it is really about using those same skills, just more skillfully.

cmarti once told me that after SE you are "done for" because the process takes hold and starts to do things automatically. It's like being on a conveyor belt heading toward enlightenment. Just keep using your mindfulness and concentration, balance your effort with relaxation, and it will happen. The mind knows how to do this now.

All that being said, probably the best tip you can get right now is this: trust this process, and trust that you can do it. Keep doing what you are doing, because it works.

Just sat, I still can't get over how much energy(pressure/vibrating) is buzzing around inside me when I sit. It's focused in the front of the head, from between my eyes up to about 1/3 of the way to the back of my head. I've also got non-stop flashing and lights in the visual field. Toward the end of my 45 minutes today I experienced the follow 3 times in quick succession: Energy rushed up the inside of my body, and seemed to pool at the top/front of my head, then it exploded into cool tingling that ran down the surface of my skin. Each rush of tingling also relaxed me greatly. I would slump and actually have to catch myself, I think I may have fallen over. lol. The 3 "blasts" took 10-15 seconds each, maybe. This has happened to me before, but it's so damn cool!!
In daily life I'm much more focused and able to more clearly watch sensations. Today whenever an emotion would come up I would ask myself "who is feeling..." and I couldn't find anyone who was. The emotion would just blow away and I was left quiet again. Loving wherever I am, too bad it's temporary.

Cool stuff, Rev!!
Excited to see how you progress!

The last 2-3 days a change has occurred. Previously I was experiencing a lot of energetic movement, especially in my head, and lights and flashing in the visual field. This has stopped, I'm mostly thankful as it was a bit too intense to be comfortable. Now my meditation is pretty quiet. I start at what may be 4th nana and move up to equanimity. Once there I have energy moving around in my head, it builds then just fades. And I start over again. My first trip to Eq takes about 15 minutes, each time after that takes less time. Eq. seems a little different, more open and expansive. The energy that builds up is tough to describe, but here goes. It is in my forehead and feels like it is spinning and almost disorienting or kind of nauseating, but it's localized to an area about the size of a golf ball. When it reaches the peak of intensity I also notice a pressure/tension at the top of my spine. So, formal meditation seems to be back to "normal"
Off the cushion, a big change. My mindfulness is Very strong now and my sense of "I" Very weak. Today I'm really tired and stressed. I'd normally be miserable (feeling and acting), highly irritable, short fuse all that. And I am, but I see all this as just sensations that aren't happening to anyone. Someone does something I dislike and irritation arises, but I just look at it instead of reacting to it. It's not much different from watching a car drive by on the street, I see it, but it doesn't have anything to do with me and just moves on. The crazy part is that I've read enough that I could have written this a year ago, but now I'm actually experiencing it. Maybe I'm over reacting but it just blows my mind that this is real, and is happening to me.
Also, my drive to meditate is still weak. I've mentioned that it was almost like an addiction before, no longer. I feel like I could take it or leave it and be fine either way.

" The crazy part is that I've read enough that I could have written this a year ago, but now I'm actually experiencing it."

Fascinating!
I often react to descriptions from post SE-ers (including those after 4th) and think "yeah, I experience that, but there is a tinge of a different quality"
And I realize that even though my verbal description would be very similar to those descriptions at times, the compound experience must be totally different.
As ever thankful that you share!

""Even if you don't have access to more absorbed jhanas or have not gotten path yet, I think this could be practiced when passing through the vipassana nanas. The object is the same as noting. To perceive and let go of any phenomena presenting itself in the very moment but without the need to mentally note and expect something else to note. Here, if it feels like tension, let it go! All conditioned phenomena are unsatisfactory."" The Hamilton Project
thehamiltonproject.blogspot.com/2011/01/...-go-approach-to.html
This is exactly what I've been doing for the past six months, cool to hear that it's a recognized practice.
Lately I'm having trouble sitting for the full 45. Finding a strong deisre to get up after about 30.

"Also, my drive to meditate is still weak. I've mentioned that it was almost like an addiction before, no longer. I feel like I could take it or leave it and be fine either way. - RevElev
"

Nice work Rev! I haven't been checking the site in awhile. It's nice to come back and see your recent success. I went through this phase too (of not feeling motivated to sit) shortly after SE. Don't worry, the drive will probably come back! Keep up the good work.