Laurel's practice

Great! Congratulations!

Nice! That sounds very promising.

Amazing. I love waking up to see who got enlightened today. This forum is incredible. Good job, Laurel.

Whoo hoo! Aloha Laurel! Thanks so much for keeping a journal and sharing this with everyone. Such an inspiration.

Congrats, Laurel! Keep us posted on what happens next.

"I've had feelings of fear, euphoria, doubt, confusion and whatnot, but not sure what to make of it"

Ditto!

Congratulations Laurel

Congratulations, Laurel! And congratulations to the community who supported her! Laurel, you did so great! Enjoy having a little less you! It's can be pretty fun; although it can take some getting used to.

Wow, congrats!! Inspirational for sure! I would love to hear your experiences with your anxiety post stream entry since I seem to experience a lot of what you have been experiencing.

Well done Laurel. This is fantastic news!

Congratulations, enjoy not having to carry around so much silliness!

All I can say is... yay!!

Yes; it's about time. I am trying to adjust to this new situation. I wish I could say my anxiety is gone, but I've had quite a lot of it, probably resulting from feeling so disoriented. Sits have been overwhelming, as if my blood has been replaced by champagne, and I can't stand it for too long at a stretch. Right now I feel calm and peaceful, though, feeling that there's nowhere to be and everything's fine. But earlier today I was confused and a bit agitated.

I went to a meditation meeting at the local center and spoke to the teacher. He does not like attaching labels such as stream entry to what happened, but he does see it as a significant opening, and recognizes that I have been experiencing a sense of loss of myself. I have actually felt some sadness about this. I've tended to try to censor these emotions, thinking perversely that if I'm not feeling fantastic then that must mean that this isn't real, but I've also recognized just how silly this is (yes, there's plenty of silliness left here!). Beth has emailed me to say that these reactions are normal. I guess I've been driving an old Ford Pinto for so long that a Ferrari is a bit overwhelming

So I'm letting myself relax into this and waiting to see what happens as it unfolds. I am curious to see what the long-term changes will be. There definitely is a sense, though, that part of "me" is gone. What I want to do is fill up this hollowed-out space with love and peace and willingness and appreciation, sympathetic joy, the divine abidings.

Awesome, congratulations!

plop.

Hehe-yes, plop. And thanks again, everyone, for your support.

Less active sit this morning, still some tingling. Started out doing some noting, which isn't really working all that well for me these days. I do better when I just focus on the breath, have been doing that at the nostrils. Some tendency to try to overthink things, which is my habit from the old days.

I tend to wake up in the fear nyana, unfortunately, and during the day yesterday and the day before I had periodic experience of mild nausea. So things keep cycling, whether I'm sitting or not.

Awesome, Laurel! Congrats!!!

Way to go Laurel.

It takes a while for the anxiety to ease up. I've only been at this a few years but the difference is incredible.

Keep on keeping on!

Thanks Joel; and Mu, this is good news indeed. I go through a lot of mood swings; mornings are difficult, but I get calmer as the day goes on. Morning sits are also notably less interesting than anything after mid-morning, which is full of the champagne tingling stuff. As for the mood swings: I just watch stuff happen, no one else has a clue. It's like the weather. It's also very rapid.

I'm very happy for you, Laurel.

"There definitely is a sense, though, that part of "me" is gone. What I want to do is fill up this hollowed-out space with love and peace and willingness and appreciation, sympathetic joy, the divine abidings. "

This is great!

Thanks again for all your kind words. I'm in the process now of trying to integrate these changes that have affected me so profoundly. I access A&P type energy the minute I close my eyes and start to focus, but I don't feel much like meditating. I don't know what that means; I'll talk to Beth later today and report back. I would really love to do some jhana practice, but my cycling starts no matter what I do and I just have to go with that. I can't sleep a whole lot, but I seem to be alert enough with reduced sleep.

The odd thing is, I'm scheduled to go on another retreat Friday. I imagine it sounds as if I spend a good part of my life on retreat, but the schedule I've had the past month is unusual. I will need some advice from Beth on how to manage long days of practice right now.

One additional point: mornings are difficult. When I practice in the morning, in fact, I don't have the same experience I do at any other time of the day. I also tend to wake up feeling anxiety, although it isn't attached to anything in particular. In general I think the best thing I could do is get some vigorous exercise. It's tough doing that with bad weather outside and a hand that's all bandaged up from surgery. But I'm going to have to find a solution.

Laurel, I think this morning phenomenon is probably chemical/biological. Someone once told me that when we wake up we get a shot of adrenaline. I notice a lot of thoughts happen just after I wake up in the morning as the body is energizing. I think it's pretty common and something we can work around better knowing the physiology of it. Also, the transition from a sleep state to a waking state is very stark and it takes some time for mind to adjust.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cortisol_awakening_response

Thanks Chris - that explains a lot.

Yeah, thanks, mumuwu. I always wondered why the morning was the one time I kept having "scrambled eggs" up there until someone clued me in in this little fact

Hah. I just posted about this same thing in my journal. Thanks for the link. Maybe I will wander around for 30 minutes or shower before sitting in the morning now.