Nadav's practice notes

25 minute sit. Counted 3x10 exhalations then started silent Mahamudra noting - 'listening to the ships in the harbor', noting positive mindstates (joy, rapture, metta, gratitude, etc) and relaxing/releasing any tension (noting the release/relaxation). Nice. I did this technique for the first time in the virtual sangha meeting last night.

Pressure in the forehead/3rd eye for the first half of the sit. Feeling good, getting a little absorbed. Pleasant tingling all over the body, some strobing/fluttering in the visual field accompanied by unpleasant pressure/tension behind and above the eyes. Brightness in the visual field - almost white. Some subtle pulses here and there.

Spaced out for a while, mainly fantasizing about what I'm going to write here. Didn't care for a while, but eventually started to note again. Still anchored in listening but including all 4 foundations now.

Absorption faded but I was grasping to it. I suddenly caught on, remembering Kenneth's teaching about 'the wheel' and letting it go. Opened my eyes, noted disappointment, clinging. Whoosh. Pretty strong fruition that jerked my body and made me laugh. Noted joy, amusement, etc. (I think I'm going to add a new label to my noting vocabulary - "holy **** thought").

At this point everything was very clear. Sitting with the eyes open. Tempted to stop noting and just enjoy. Did this for a bit. Some expansion in the head - felt wide and connected to the environment. Weird change in eye focus - kind of looking sideways to the left. The body started to feel twisted (this happens to me occasionally). The head felt sideways, the hands somehow backward, etc. This was regarded with curious interest, between neutral and pleasant.

Noted boredom, impatience, desire to get up. Stared at a kasina for the last ~8 minutes. The usual visual stuff. Build up of pressure in the forehead, pulses in the chest.

I think the honeymoon period of this latest shift is ending. I'm recognizing a lot of similarities to the end of previous review periods. It feels a bit like a descent from heaven, but not unwelcome.
-My experience of the jhanic arc is not as clear and effortless as it has been. Not much spontaneous jhana in daily life. Jhanas/nanas are not so clear during sitting.
-Desire/need for formal practice is back.
-More suffering. I am embedded a lot of the time again (or just noticing it again). Yesterday I xperienced my first dark night-ish symptoms in a few weeks. Thoughts are particularly sticky, as usual.
-Noting seems like a good idea again, rather than a hindrance. Harder to dwell as the Witness.
-More difficult to tune in to the perfection/contentment in every moment regardless of what's going on.

There has definitely been a big shift over the past few weeks that is difficult to describe.
-I've had brief moments where the sense of self becomes very, very thin if it's even there at all. Especially while walking around in beautiful settings.
-I feel more present. That's about all I can say about that...
-A move from being fascinated/obsessed with my fancy new jhanas to not really caring about them so much. This could just be because they're not so clear right now, but I'm not trying to call them up 20 times day like I was at first.
-A big difference in social settings. I'm not as invested. Significantly less irritation/judging. They might still arise, but are let go almost instantly.

"I suddenly caught on, remembering Kenneth's teaching about 'the wheel' "

Hmm - what is the wheel and in at what stage is it most useful?

"There has definitely been a big shift over the past few weeks that is difficult to describe.
-I've had brief moments where the sense of self becomes very, very thin if it's even there at all. Especially while walking around in beautiful settings.
-I feel more present. That's about all I can say about that...
-A move from being fascinated/obsessed with my fancy new jhanas to not really caring about them so much. This could just be because they're not so clear right now, but I'm not trying to call them up 20 times day like I was at first.
-A big difference in social settings. I'm not as invested. Significantly less irritation/judging. They might still arise, but are let go almost instantly.
"

I really like your journal Nadav. Very honest and inspiring.

I've been going through the same thing you describe above as of late. Interestingly enough, it's come about through different practices. I haven't done any jhanas at all, and rarely note. I mainly just do self-enquiry, yet I have noticed three big shifts and subsequent honeymoon periods during the past few months. The first of which was first path in March. That was clear cut and came about from noting practice.The others haven't been as clear, no blip-like fruition or anything, just a sense that something shifted and the subsequent effortlessness that followed. I'm not really sure how self-enquiry practice lines up with the Four-Path model, but my experience seems very similar to yours.

""I suddenly caught on, remembering Kenneth's teaching about 'the wheel' "

Hmm - what is the wheel and in at what stage is it most useful?"

I would like to inquire as well. I have read about the wheel a few times in many posts. From what I have read it seems like a pretty usefull tool. Would anyone care to give some instructions?

Many thanks.
.

The Wheel and the eye trick

I don't think I've seen an explanation of "the wheel" in writing so here's my understanding of it. All the credit goes to Kenneth, as far as I know.
"The wheel" just describes the natural rhythm one experiences when sitting (impermanence). If you become absorbed/concentrated, you can be sure that you will eventually come out of absorption if you continue to sit. When that happens, it doesn't make sense to fight it - just know that eventually you will become absorbed again. You can compare to the tide. If you're swimming with the tide and it changes direction, the easiest thing will be to go in the new direction rather than fight it.

The other part is the eye posture trick. If you close your eyes and look up, you might notice some strobing/fluttering of the mind. This is the vipassana position, because by watching the fluttering you're seeing impermanence in real time. You can become interested in these flutters - are they continuous? discontinuous? do they come in packets? Paying attention to the endings of the flutters is a good way to get a fruition.
If you face your eyes downward you'll notice that things stabilize, like a sigh of relief. This is the shamata position and will you take you deeper into whatever stratum of mind you're currently accessing. (The vipassana position is more likely to move you to the next stratum.)

[cont.]

So, when things get subtle, you can stop noting and watch the strobing/fluttering. Notice that looking all the way up results in tension and looking all the way down might have you spacing out (depending on your level of concentration). The idea is to find the "sweet spot" between shamata and vipassana somewhere on the horizon. Go between the positions (you can use the shamatha position to get some "juice" for investigation) and then look for the point that has the best balance.

Here's where the wheel comes in: remember that this subtle part of the wheel will eventually pass. If you are clamping down in order to watch the subtle stuff, stop. If you're in the subtle part, the flutters will eventually die down and you'll start to tense. You'll feel disappointed and want them to continue and strain more. At this point, note "disappointment", open your eyes, look around, stretch etc and resume noting. Drop any effort to stay absorbed and just go on with noting or whatever technique you're using for the gross part of the wheel. You can do this with the knowledge that if you continue to sit, you'll end up in the subtle part of the wheel again.

I haven't really been using this technique lately but I used it a lot while working up to 1st path. I'd often find myself looking for absorption and trying to go into the subtle part too soon. I'd always know this was happening because my eyes would feel tense. I think the best approach is to not look for concentration at all and just let it arise naturally.

---

Thanks John, and good to hear about your practice. Would you mind sharing a bit about your way of doing self-enquiry?
For the record, I got 1st and 2nd path by noting. If this recent shift was 3rd, I got to it by mainly dwelling as the witness and playing with jhanas.

thanks - thats quite interesting.

Hey Nadav,
I do a couple self-enquiry techniques, all subtly different, and I will combine them during sits as appropriate.

I will ask myself, "Who am I?" and then look for whatever sensations I identify with, and then focus on them. They usually center around the chest, neck or head area. With asking this question, my brow tends to furrow and it's like I'm confused and really focused on trying to figure out the question. I mention this because different questions do not necessarily feature this quality.

I will also ask myself, "Who is experiencing this?" The same procedure as above, only it has a more spacious quality, and I tend to take the body and awareness from a more holistic perspective. For me, it has a calmer, subtler effect.

Sometimes, I will just repeat, "I am," every few moments and notice the self-contraction and focus in on that.

Recently, my main practice has been to say, "I...me...my...mine," then notice the self-contraction. Then I ask myself, "If this is who I am, then what (or who) is aware of this?" You can also phrase it as, "If this is me, then what is aware of this?" Then I focus in on awareness itself while maintaining contact with the self-contraction. Awareness tends to broaden and become more diffuse and sometimes the self-contraction will fade, and then I just stay with awareness.

Other one I've experimented with, but don't really have much experience with is to ask, "Who resists?" as in who resists enlightenment. Whenever I do this, I feel a tightening in the chest and a sensation of a fearful child, that's the best way to articulate it. I may also ask, "Who surrenders?" which is interesting because it is simultaneously an enquiry into (1) the self (2) surrender & (3) the relationship between the two.

With all of them, I only use the prompts as necessary. If the mind is calm and focused, I won't use the prompts. If it wanders, I will use them.

I've done other techniques as well to various degrees: energy work, lucid dreaming, grounding stuff in the body, and metta. During the past few months, I've done noting the least and done no jhana work. This is what has appealed to me for whatever reason.

The effect has been that I feel very present and it takes very little to become present. I hear something and I am present. Or all of a sudden, I feel something or see something and I am present. Witness consciousness arises naturally without effort, particularly in relaxed social situations and visually stimulating environments. I can also enter the Witness at will. It takes a few seconds to do so or is instantaneous. Things have a much cleaner and stiller quality. The sense of self seems muted. And the external world seems simultaneously more here and present and yet surreal or dreamlike.

But I don't know what this means as far as maps or stages go. I feel like there has been some sort of shift, but I'm honestly not sure.

I think Nadav has described the wheel and the eye positions in a very useful way.
@John That sounds like a very relaxed and intuitive practice. Nice.

"" I'd often find myself looking for absorption and trying to go into the subtle part too soon. I'd always know this was happening because my eyes would feel tense. I think the best approach is to not look for concentration at all and just let it arise naturally. "
"

Word!

Thanks for the info John.
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30 minute sit. Sat down with a kasina. Resolved to go deep into 1st jhana before moving on. This didn't work out very well as I found myself in 3rd jhana after a few minutes. Abandoned my intention and continued up the arc. Hung out in 4th watching the strobing/fluttering for a bit before continuing. Watched the spot in 8th jhana (today, on the right side just behind the forehead) until attention was to drawn to the 3rd eye where lots of activity was happening. This drew me up to the 1st pureland. Natural transition to the 2nd pureland as attention moved up to the crown. I often shift out of this one very quickly so I tried to hang out in it for longer. Attention moved back down to the 3rd eye and then traveled down the spine, giving a visual of that part of the circuit being completed. As always, weird constricted breathing in the 3rd pureland for me. Attention moves back up to include the crown and the circuit is completed. Breathing flows with greater ease. Some vibratory activity in the body, which I think is unusual. Attention expands beyond the body for 13th jhana, which wasn't very clear today.

Going down the arc is interesting in that any illusion of control is quickly destroyed. I can never predict how fast/slow the descent will be and I often realize I'm in a different jhana than the one I thought. Here, I quickly found myself at 8th then felt the body wake up. I opened my eyes and stared at the kasina, dropping any intention to manipulate or map my experience. Became more concentrated again, with interesting visual experiences. The kasina disappeared a couple of times, but whenever this happened the eyes would jump around and it came back.

Eventually I closed my eyes. The body felt vast and there was a visual representation of the body field, like an intricate rock formation with a big empty space in the middle. Something like that. Felt very nice. Started noting silently: spaciousness, joy, gratitude, happiness, vastness, calmness. Noting felt very deliberate and leisurely in a natural way. It felt slow, but more like I was perceiving things smoothly and clearly than actually noting slowly. Absorption subsided and after I opened my eyes and stretched and looked around, continuing to note.

Currently feeling apathetic, a pervasive don't-want-to-do-anything, get-me-out-of-here, leave-me-alone sadness, tired, sinking feeling, emphasis on the forehead.
Might be 9th nana, desire for deliverance.

I've had a few experiences lately that might have to do with all the rigpa/mahamudra talk going around. It's the sense of something (but not a "thing") beyond or behind phenomena, or the space in which things arise. I've gotten it by looking "beyond" the visual field. Same with sound. Makes everything seem like a dream.

Yesterday and today, no need to "do" any kind of practice. No need to concentrate, to note, take on any perspective, etc. It's all good.

Lots of pressure in the 3rd eye area lately.
Feeling a little directionless, like something needs to be done but I don't know what it is.
Different techniques are appealing at different times. Noting one day, then just sitting the next day, or mahamudra, or anapanasati, or the witness, or nothing...

How about you do nothing and ever time you notice any effort to change anything at all you drop it and just look at what's happening right now.

That sounds like a good idea.

"You're not meditating, but two things are meditating you: the momentum of what you've done previously, and whatever you want to call it."

Nice.

I don't care about the maps, until I hit a dark night. Once I hit equanimity, I feel like I'm enlightened again. How silly.

And unfortunately, very common. I get really good at practicing when i notice dark night, then when it's over, i have an unfortunate tendency to drop it.

Experiencing mildly unpleasant pressure in the crown over the past couple of days. A headache, you might say. Sometimes it vibrates a bit.

With the exception of a couple of short dark night episodes, things have been very good lately. I'm mostly very calm and naturally present. When I realize I've been spacing out, I no longer react negatively.
There is little motivation for formal practice - some days I don't sit at all, but practice is happening constantly. The line between practice and daily life is very thin, but of course I'm more likely to actually pay attention if I say "OK, now I'm meditating."
I don't feel done / off the ride, but the sense of urgency is gone, at least for now. The ride has become more tame. Desire never helped before, so why bother? It'll happen when things are ripe and I'm happier this way.

My main method lately is still 'just sitting' / 'do nothing'. Auxiliary methods include dwelling as the Witness, some noting (noting the 6 sense doors is cool!), occasional jhanas (still have 13) and 'listening to the ships in the harbor'. The arupa jhanas are very interesting while running.

Life/practice has become very ordinary. Occasionally I feel like riding the jhanic arc, but for the most part there haven't been many fireworks. The last shift in July (post #310 and on) was big and exciting, and it feels like I've been coasting downhill since - practice becoming simpler, gradually letting go the assumption that "enlightenment" corresponds to the trippy states that had become accessible. (The shift might've been 3rd path but I haven't been able to reliably access NS so I can't say for sure [and it doesn't really matter]).

I've been drawn more and more to a 'just sitting' / 'direct mode' practice of staying aware of body sensations. I started to focus in on the most obvious tensions (in the head and the chest - the areas where "I" is seen to reside) but I've tweaked my focus to be more inclusive, looking at the whole sensate field. Whereas before the obvious tension spots would magnify and sometimes become more unpleasant with attention, they are now seen as merely a part of a larger field of interrelated sensations.

I go days without actually sitting to meditate. I probably should, but meditation is still happening quite a lot.