Nadav's practice notes

Woke up and started noting today. Felt 'normal' and pretty solid walking to class; noting mind states, thoughts, footsteps, reactions to passing other people, etc. In class, starting getting lots of vibrations, building excitement with lots of activity in the chest, rapture (overwhelming at times), very energetic. Found myself in 4th jhana at one point.
When I got home, still kind of manic. Happiness, rapture/agitation. Lots of vibrations and pulses.

Meditated a bit while chatting with mumuwu on voxli. Steeped in the happiness. It intensified, eventually dropped away. I was calmer, more blissful. Relaxed the body. Got to equanimity/4th jhana after a few minutes without any dark night stuff. Switched to the witness. Equanimity deepened; floating sensations. Shift to focus on space/expansion, then a shift back inward. Very clear sense of the witness, body felt small now. Another shift: hard to explain it, but the witness wasn't clear anymore. Maybe another shift but I suddenly snapped out of absorption: the body came back into awareness, felt discomfort, noticed it was hot in the room, wanted to get up.
Sat again later but I don't remember what happened to really describe it. It was nice though.

Felt mildly uncomfortable and spacey for the next few hours. Couldn't really sustain any kind of practice/attention. Vague unsatisfactoriness. More negativity as the night went. A little uncomfortable in social situations (tried to stay friendly). A half hour ago, a wave of sadness, frustration, despair, loneliness, desire to abort, self-loathing. All noted. Feeling a little better now.

Intense activity in the chest this morning. Had a few minutes to just sit with it before class. Focusing on it brought up vague malaise, sadness, disconnectedness (felt far away from all the other students sitting around me and their conversations), anxiety, self-pity. It was both wonderful and terrible, kind of like a scab you can't help but pick.

I had noticed it earlier in the day too but felt like I needed to just watch the sensations directly at that point. Kind of spacey this morning... easy to stay with the body but I found myself snapping out of wandering thoughts often. Did some noting.

The drive to practice is here (noting begins as soon as I wake up, for a few days now) but very little desire for formal sitting practice. When I do sit, it's not for very long.

Life has been a little bit different since 2nd path, but I can't really explain in what way. I think part of it is a decrease in aversion. It just hasn't been arising as much, no matter what is going.

Sat with the group tonight. 2 x ~25 minutes and a 3rd shorter sit. Bright itching and lots of wandering thoughts. Mind very scattered. I did some noting, but mostly 'just sitting'. In the past I might've exerted lots of effort to concentrate and work through the monkey mind but ehh.. who cares? Not much absorption. Lots of strobing. Some tension in the forehead and some subtle vibrations in the chest towards the end. Overall, pretty calm and content, enjoyed sitting with it. Bright itching throughout. Had a terrifying image/story at the beginning of the 2nd sit... a what-if conspiracy theory kinda things. Some smugness in the middle about how accomplished I am that I can just sit and not give a damn (made sure to note these... yikes).

"Life has been a little bit different since 2nd path, but I can't really explain in what way. I think part of it is a decrease in aversion. It just hasn't been arising as much, no matter what is going."

This is also what I'm experiencing the past days. Somehow things feel softer.

I suspect that I've started working on the next path. No clear review patterns.
Seeing as 3rd path is a jhanic attainment, I'm going to focus more on concentration practice.
I'm still very happy overall. Practice is happening, but not much on the cushion.

Just sat for 20 minutes, non-manipulation just sitting style. Some states, then some other states.

I had some fun with jhanas in class yesterday. Resolved to stay in 1st jhana for 10 minutes. Felt longer, probably 15 min. Got pretty deep. Then moved to 2nd and 3rd for 10 minutes each.

Very busy for the past few days. I finished college on Friday and moved back in with my parents in Atlanta on Sunday. They moved on Tuesday. Very grateful for my practice throughout this whole thing, because in the past I would've been stressed out, angry and unbearable. Instead, I was calm, reasonable and happy in the chaos.

Little to no formal practice, but lots of "off the cushion" practice - the witness has been very useful these past few days and also noting. Working with the breath a bit too when I'm chilling out/lying down/sitting.

I think I'm currently in review. First time since before my last post that I've noticed it. I noticed some nanas here and there walking around the past few days - dukkha nanas as a chunk and dissolution were most apparent. I sit this morning and very quickly saw mild versions of many of the nanas - very pleasant and brief A&P, dissolution, a definite dark night. I then felt very awake and "done" and got up. 5 minutes had passed.
Sat again for a few minutes just now and started at A&P.

Oh, just thought of this too (because I just had one): I've been experiencing random bliss waves in the past few days. Rapid buildup and then release of pleasant coolness emanating from inside the body. It feels something like a sprinkler starting... many points inside the body that suddenly open, spread out towards the skin.
Review fruitions?

" I finished college on Friday"

Congrats!!!

"I finished college on Friday"

U da man. When are you coming to New York?

""I finished college on Friday""

Yeah, congrats, Nadav! BTW, I think you earned dual degrees down there: one in music and the other in being a totally awesome Mahasi noter! Very cool!

I just got back from a weeklong cruise last night. Since I had no intellectually-demanding obligations and I was disconnected from cell phone/internet the whole week, I treated it like a retreat-vacation and tried to be mindful from the moment I woke up to the moment I fell asleep.
Some interesting things happened and I'll transcribe directly some of my notes below. The short version is that I think I went through a cycle over a couple of days and then found myself with access to the 5 pureland jhanas.

The cruise was Sunday to Sunday. I did lots of witness practice, noting, anapanasati and lots of quick runs up and down the jhanic arc throughout the day.
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Wednesday June 29:
Major vibrations in the head starting yesterday and all day today. Very A&P-ish happy and joyful. Life is great.

Thursday June 30:
Did some metta last night, felt great. Woke up tense today and sat. Didn't feel so good: scattered, nastiness in the chest, general unpleasantness, impatient, irritated, desire for "good" experience, grasping. Nastiness building throughout the day. Didn't let it bleed too much.
Went up the arc on the beach and hung out in 8th for a while. Then back to 5 and back up a couple of times. Awesome. Felt better for a while, then milder irritation, malaise, impatience.
Can't stay with the breath. It was easy and beautiful yesterday. No clarity now. Can't get the witness clearly. Any kind of sustained practice is impossible.
Later in the day: things are calming down, probably hitting low equanimity.

I resolved to be mindful for the entire week. Meditation starts within a couple of seconds of waking up. On the 1st or 2nd day I noted intensively - fast and ruthless, at some points just noticing very quickly, attention moving around the body taking quick snapshots of what was happening. [cont.]

[cont.]
It feels like I was working through something and have been riding the wave since, with mostly 2nd gear practice or anaansati, just notcing the visual field or the body as a whole or doing some noting here and there. The witness grown. Yesterday it was experienced as pressure int he head, a tightening mildly unpleasant. I worked on realeasing that perssure and it has gained, at certain moments, a vastness that makes "infinite consciousness" seem like the perfect name. The world "out there" is vast/infinite, and so is the awareness of it "in here". It's hard to say what the difference where the difference between the 2 lies, but it is there in a subtle way.

Just sat for 20 minutes. Vibrations/flutters for the entire sit.Like sitting in a massage chair. Started in the head (and fluttering of the eyes) then spread to throat and chest (heart center). Heart + head (3rd eye) remained dominant throughout. Some in the legs too.
While sitting, not much overt joy/bliss, but walking around just now after the sit, I feel great. Like I'm floating. Body is very light and free. Clear.

Thursday night: Just sat for ~25 minutes. Think I'm back in 3rd nana. The body is a solid mass of tension, especially in the shoulders, behind the eye, and to a lesser extent the jaw. Discomfort. Was feeling pretty sad and lonely before I sat. Thought it was desire for deliverance but the solidiy is obvious in the sit. Some bright itching but not much that was persistent. Mind scattered. Lots of thoughts about practice, random moments, rehearsing thoughts. Wandered for a bit. Couldn't keep any technique going and stick with it. NOting, witness, buddho, relaxing the body. Desire to mess with the posture... it felt off and constricted.

[cont.]
Realized that I was judging this day as a failure practice-wise. When the experience and clear and present (like yesterday), it's judged as a success and the narrative is about progress-pride, how beautiful practice is ,etc. When things are more difficult and less clear, it's deemed a failure, as if I'm doing something wrong. All of this came up in the sit. This is a hard lesson to internalize, as it keeps coming up again and again. There's nothing to "fix" here. Hinging my "enlightenment" or progress or success or whatever on pleasant mind states and pretty light shows doesn't make sense. I know this but it keeps happening anyway - but that's ok. Whatever is happening now is it.

Saturday July 2:
I seem to access the 5 pureland jhanas. I found it out yesterday when, having an inclination of something unbelievably pleasant after the 8th, I listened to the 2nd hamilton podcast where they go through all 13 jhanas. If it is PL1, I had had flashes of it for a few days but thought it was just moments of really syncing up with 8th jhana.

Here's what it feels like:
9th: focus on 3rd eye and activity within it. Gentle awareness of entire body returns in a new way. Body very blissful with exhilarating vibrations. Wow factor strong here. Feel like I'm floating, like on top of water, rocking back and forth a bit (this might just be because I'm on a boat).
10th: focus shifts to crown. [I found that shifting between these occurs automatically and more naturally than the earlier jhanas, which I still direct by inclining the mind.) Body sinks back down and feels different... still pleasant but more chilled out, less exhilaration.
11th: grounded now, heavier in the body. 3rd eye again, linked to a point between the butt and genitals, I think. Somewhere down there, anyway. Attention begins at 3rd eye then moves down to the other spot.

[cont.]
Breathing is very subtle in this one and if I turn to it, it can feel like i"m not breathing at all and I struggle to find it.
12th: up to crown, connected with bottom point. Can feel the entire spine connecting these 2 points. Breathing "comes back" in an obvious way. Very, very pleasant and silky. Feeling of completion, so *(&(@ nice.
13th: clean awareness. like the mental quality of the witnes without the physical but even clearer and... I want to say wider but there isn't really a sense of space for this one. I've only hit this one once or twice without guidance by a recording thus far.

They talk about NS in the podcast. I tried it and got a big wind up... excitement, feeling of rising up and tension in the body but no release.

An aside: I've been practicing going up the arc (to quickly, randomly throughout the day. I did this once while walking with a group through a long straight hallway. Awesome.

Regarding the pureland stuff: whether or not I'm scripting this, these have been some of the most blissful states that I've ever experienced. After coming out, I feel incredible.

End of notes

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I was able to access these new jhanas again a couple more times on Saturday on my own. Last night I rode the arc with the video of Kenneth and Nikolai and went all the way up. I don't know how to make sense of it yet, but I'm pretty confident that I am experiencing the pureland jhanas at this point.

Great!

Only one more to go!

My main practice since my last report has been riding up and down the jhanic arc in 2 ways. I can will/manipulate the move from one jhana to the next by focusing on the handles for each, which makes it happen very fast - a shallow of taste of the entire arc to 13th jhana within 5-10 minutes.
I can also do this without manipulation... sometimes it happens by itself, sometimes I just float the idea 'let's do jhanas' and dwell as the witness. This way is cleaner; I go deeper and less tension arises. This can happen outside of formal practice and often does. I went up and down the arc 3 times while watching TV at a friend's house a few days ago.

Walking around, I've been continuing to practice the witness. Per Kenneth's suggestion, I've started to drop 'who knows the witness?' from time to time. This relaxes the witness and makes it more transparent. The apparent answer is something like "everything, all of this". I have moments where I feel really present/embodied with everything. I've been noticing the 'sweetness'/perfection/completeness of every moment that Kenneth talks about in the recent Mahamudra talk.
I think this would be a good time for me to start exploring 3rd gear practice. Any suggestions?

I've been playing around with NS a little bit... mainly when I lie down to take a nap. I'll go up to the 8th and put awareness on the spot inside the head. I know it's the spot because everything gets weird/delicious/vibratory when I run awareness through it. I did it yesterday and got a quick, very deep and refreshing nap.

I've been very happy lately, more intimate with life than ever. Lots of thoughts surrounding this arise and I've started to note them. I know there's more to be done, but for the time being I'm content with what I have. Guess that was third path in my last report.

"Walking around, I've been continuing to practice the witness. Per Kenneth's suggestion, I've started to drop 'who knows the witness?' from time to time. This relaxes the witness and makes it more transparent. The apparent answer is something like "everything, all of this". "

Is another answer "nothing knows the witness, there is just phenomenon occurring"

"Is another answer "nothing knows the witness, there is just phenomenon occurring""

Yeah, that's exactly it.

Excellent job Nadav!

This thread should be high on the priority list for those back-up drives. Wow. Congrats, Nadav!

Congratulations!!
Noticing a feeling of jealousy.

alright! good one!

I've been experimenting with "direct mode" (a name I'm a little uncomfortable with) since Thursday - feeling the entire body and 'grounding' any tension/anxiety by resting attention on it. It's way more effective now than in the past. The dead man switch analogy is accurate; when I return to the body after wandering, the tension is much stronger.
I am calm and content but without any overt joy.

The practice of being with the body is very rewarding and reinforces itself. It's a very simple and effortless practice and has actually been pretty easy to sustain so far.

The curious thing about it is that cycling is hardly noticed and I have little motivation to play with jhanas. I've been a bit of a jhana junkie for the past few weeks and occasionally the thought to go up the arc will arise but so far it hasn't been strong enough to engage intentionally.

18 minute sit. Recognized 1st jhana. Began noting (hello, old friend).
Noting sped up... the warm excitement in the chest I get in 2nd jhana. Joy, happiness, gratitude, excitement, etc.

Noting thoughts and mental impressions rapidly. Saw the flickering of the visual field and impressions of the body for a few seconds but decided to stick with verbal noting.

Noting slowed down. A little spaced out. Wide awareness but kind of syrupy, lazy. Blissful. Feeling of downward motion.

Anxiety in the chest. Flash of negativity. Body feels nasty. Perspective widens, some wandering thoughts and still some nastiness in the body.

Equanimity settles. Body thinning out. Mind feels powerful. Some pulsing/fluttering in the head. Spaciousness. Noting stopped here I think.

Things get hazy from here. Felt attracted to the area behind the eyes, maybe a little higher so behind the brow. A sense of the witness (6th jhana) somewhere in there... maybe at this point. A build of excitement, maybe some spontaneous movements. More and more calm... things get quiet. I think physical sensations went first, with some dream-like images lingering in the mind. A feeling of being pulled down or sinking. Awareness but not of any particular object. A dip and then rising back up. Maybe the same thing a couple more times.

Vastness. Hard to describe... no clear sense of the body, very thin sense of self. Not much left at all. Things were kind flashing on and off. There were moments where things faded altogether, then they'd come back (I'd notice a thought), on and off like that. (At the time I was thinking fruitions but in retrospect this sounds like 8th jhana, maybe really hitting it instead of just being in the neighborhood).