Meekan's meek journal

Sat with a group today.
Silent noting 1hr with 5-10 min walking
Damn, haven't sat on a cushion for a while.
First 20 minutes or so chaos, settling down, intense pain.
Walking
Sittng, light, imaging thoughts, pain, movement, itching.
Bell went off

Had to laugh about sitting on a cushion! I've gotten soft and use a chair. I'm pretty sure I couldn't manage an hour, maybe with the pressure of wanting to look good in a group, but it'd be hell for sure. Impressive!

I was pretty happy there was some walking in there
Being mindful and noting consistently in different contexts must be a good thing..?
So this is a challenge!

SE before 2040! Ever onwards and upwards!

(and by contexts I mean different ways of supporting one's butt

Sometimes I write lol even though I didn't really. Both of those posts, I really did laugh out loud.
I think 2040 maybe a little overly pessimistic. I was thinking more spring 2011. It can sneak up on you when you least expect it. Look at me, assuming it's happened that is. I'm glad the phrase "I don't know" is so popular around here, 'cause damn! I just don't know!!

Hope to have some humor left should steam entry ever be entered.

I am really happy for you! Hope you get some certainty (if that's what you want) soon!

I have sat on a cushion for a couple of hours for a couple of days now.
My back is totalled now

45 minutes mixed noting from beginning to end (last 3 minutes concentration on breath)
began with fairly intense visual strobing as soon as closed eyes
after a while disappeared
then the slow waves of light and dark moving before my eyes coupled with a feeling of slowly moving in a wavey motion.
this turned into a sleepy, mind wandering phase, with a little like a tactile feeling of having my head filled with cotton
observing sensations in body in mind, but also wandering away
this was probably the longest phase
then into a period of itching in face and on thigh
opened my eyes with 7 minutes left to look, and closed
more awake, a little of the internal rocking wavey motion feeling inside my mind/head
last three minutes focused on breath beneath my nose
don't know if focused or not, but quite pleasant - open, absorbed feeling
(but I would guess 1st jhana is much more intense?)

What's holding me back from progress? Beats me...

45 min
first some light strobing
then calm
soon lighter, immensely tired, wandering mind
itching
wandering, switched to a sort of greyish, bitter sweet existence
greyish images
itches
calm all the time
towards the end tried doing the "wonder what my next thought will be"
and I realized that what I do almost every time is something that to me at least sounds similar to what antero has described.
I fill my mind with a sphere and follow thoughts appearing on this.
it is like being inside a planetarium or sperical imax theatre trying to see the thoughts projected
It isn't easy for me though, since they sort of sneak around me.
but doing this made me calm, then for some reason excited
bell rang

"What's holding me back from progress? Beats me..."

I believe that not all progress feels like progress. On the other hand, do you feel you're doing the noting enough during the day as well?

Hi, Omni!
I don't think it's enough
I do it at times throughout the day, but much of the time is probably spent in la la land...

Yep, I know the feeling. I try to improve it all the time though. As soon as I get out of bed I start noting mentally. of course the mental noting stops when I'm interacting with my kids, wife, colleagues ... but I try to get back to it as quickly as possible each time. It's easier when I'm alone, I make sure I note out loud as much as possible throughout the day when alone (like when vacuuming the house). This seems to help.

1 hr
Wandered right into light and expqnsion after a brief startup with some gentle strobing.
Spent time there, light and jiy.
Then light with bitterish sweetness tint. After a while, tired, wandering, restless.
Decided last 5 minutes to concentrate on breath, but my concentration was out the window.

Isn't there like a vow that "I'll help everyone reach enlightenment before I do myself"?
Maybe I took that one before!
Well, well, everyone loves a success story and noone likes a whiner

And I am not really in a bad place, but I wonder if if I'd never heard of the maps , I would be so tired of being "stuck".
Then I'd probably just have meditated on

</reflection>

"And I am not really in a bad place, but I wonder if if I'd never heard of the maps , I would be so tired of being "stuck". Then I'd probably just have meditated on "
I guess that's the flip side of maps.
I know nothing, but something that may have helped me progress was repeating "I surrender to the process of enlightenment" as my resolution before I began meditating. I started this 1-2 wks before my change(path ?) and still use it. It seems clear to me that "I" can't get this done, all I can do is to stay present and it does itself, somehow. It almost feels like a planted seed and once the conditions are right, it starts growing.
Hopefully you'll have an experience like Nik, it seems to have taken him a while (years) to get first path but once he did the other paths came quickly. Just my impression of his experience, I certainly am not speaking for him.

To be frank, my main practice right now is "opening up" and also exploring the tender spot of compassion that seems to have opened up lately.
But once in a while, I get a little annoyed by the "move on along the maps" stuff
Thanks Rev for being there. I hope we can encourage each other through all your path attainments!

That sounds like a great practice.

" "I surrender to the process of enlightenment" as my resolution before I began meditating. I started this 1-2 wks before my change(path ?) and still use it. It seems clear to me that "I" can't get this done, all I can do is to stay present and it does itself, somehow."

+1!

I'm surrendering, I'm surrendering!
<waves white flag>

Surrender has always intellectually been a focus. And I believe I am surrendering more and more.
But I guess the fact that there is a part that is tired of being where I am, is evidence that there is a part that hasn't surrendered?

Anyhow, most of the time it is not a problem, but sometimes that very same intellect comes in and compares the current state to the idea of the "surrendered state"...
Paradoxes abound...

After surrendering as much as possible inquire into "is there even anyone here who could possibly surrender anyway?"

"After surrendering as much as possible inquire into "is there even anyone here who could possibly surrender anyway?""

"I"'m still here <frustration noted>

And listening for the ships in the harbor makes me concentrated but tense and annoyed after a while.
Hmmm... I'll go back to noting, lest I'll be entertaining too many thoughts about "lost cause"
Just kidding...

42 minutes mixed noting + 3 minutes conc on breath
Pulsing at first, then calm
After some time came this intense close focus thing with light moving like a wave before eyes
Seem to have stayed there for maybe 35 minutes
Last 3 minutes focused on breath, and got this really intense itch on the wing of the nose.

35 min mixed
Intense pulsing felt in head at beginning
Calmed down
Pain in various parts, muscle soreness from exercising intensified
Lighter, seeing
Darker, anxiety, pressure in chest, uneasiness, fear of loosing breath
Lighter, waves of light/dark
Restlessness towards the end

46 minutes noting
Slight pulsing
Expansion,intense light, very tight focus
A little darker
Much lighter
Slight fear
Calm
Misery
Calm
Opened up, light
Sensation of moving, which turned into the actual sensation of sitting on a roller coaster
Curiosity
Then came a period that probably lasted for ~25 minutes, where I had the constant sensation of falling downwards.
I opened up to the experience and investigated it not trying to maintain it nor flee it.
Fascination, fear, enjoying the ride at times.

Meekan, your practice sounds alive and flowing!

Thanks for your support, Kacchapa!